• From the beginning, focus on healthy eating and regular exercise rather than on thinness. An excessive focus on thinness can lead to bulimia and anorexia. Not only that, but in many children, pressure from parents to slim down has just the opposite effect, leading to overeating and weight gain.


• Respect your child's natural body type. If your child has a medium build (neither very thin nor very chunky), let her know that you think she is perfect. If people in your family tend to have a rounder physique, there is little to be gained from trying to reshape your child. Instead, focus on healthy activities and sensible eating.


• Avoid teasing your child about being chunky or pudgy. You don't mean harm, of course, but children can be extremely sensitive to this sort of joking. They take the message to heart, and the idea develops that they really do need to diet. As parents, we absorb the same thin-is-beautiful message that is everywhere in our culture (of course we want our children to be beautiful and successful!). It's very important that we keep these attitudes to ourselves, however.


• If your child is naturally slender, that's great, but don't go on and on about how wonderful it is to be thin. Naturally thin children may be at increased risk of developing anorexia nervosa because it is easier for their bodies to burn calories. If they receive a lot of praise or admiration for being thin, the temptation to embrace thinness as an end in itself can be strong.


• Talk with your children about how TV, movies, and print advertisements glorify thinness. "Look at that actress," you might say while watching TV together. "She's really thin! Most real people who are healthy aren't that skinny." It's up to you to counteract the attempt by businesses to sell their products by promoting one particular ideal of beauty that focuses on thinness.


• Even children's cartoons tend to glorify one particular body shape (tiny waist, large breasts in female characters; and in males, huge shoulders and chest, and again a very small waist). Children absorb this beauty ideal from hour after hour of viewing. This is yet another good argument for limiting (or eliminating!) TV viewing for very young children.


• Pay attention to hints that your child is thinking a lot about weight. If she seems fascinated by fashion models or rail-thin celebrities, try to encourage other interests--for example, art or music--that don't focus so much on body type. If she begins talking about dieting, change the focus if you can to being healthy rather than getting thin. Even for children who are chunky, dieting is rarely the best answer. It's better to eat sensibly and to make sure that each day has a time for physical activity.


• Pay special attention if your child is involved in ballet or in sports that focus on the body, such as gymnastics or wrestling (because of the importance of weight limits). For children and teenagers, coaches should see it as their first duty to ensure that their young athletes and artists are healthy. They should not be suggesting weight-loss diets, and they should work with parents to watch for signs of unhealthy dieting.


• Some studies have shown that children who develop eating disorders are often perfectionists. Children like this tend to be more successful than their classmates but less happy. With such a child, it's important to try to lessen the pressure to succeed as much as possible. If you can, steer your child toward team sports instead of individual sports, which often involve greater pressures.


• If your child takes dance or music lessons, look for a teacher who emphasizes joyful self-expression rather than perfect technique. Appreciate your child's good grades, but be sure to openly recognize other things about her as well--good sense or loyalty to friends, for example--so she learns that high grades are not the most important thing about her.


• Examine your own behavior. If you are constantly dieting, you're teaching that weight is something to be fought and controlled. If you do need to lose weight, it's probably best to think of and talk about your diet as part of a whole plan to lead a healthier life, not just something you're doing to "look good." Focusing on good health is a better message for your child and will probably be more effective in the long run for you, too.

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