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| |    Tips on Talking about Drugs by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Adapted from Baby and Child Care, by Dr. Benjamin Spock. Rather than delivering a sermon or stern lecture to your child, it's best to engage in a conversation-an open, calm, nonjudgmental conversation. A good general rule is: If you're doing all the talking, you're probably not going to get very far. Your goal should be to help your child see the downside of experimenting with drugs and then allow her to come to her own conclusions about avoiding drug abuse. During these conversations, it's your job to reflect back what your child has said. Label her feelings ("It sounds as if you're a little nervous and excited about using drugs"); inject potential consequences to her contemplated actions ("So do you think that if you drink alcohol you might get out of control like your friend or have an accident?"); and clarify her motivations ("It sounds as if you're worried that you'll lose your friends if you don't smoke a joint with them. Do you think that's true?"). Make your beliefs clear Even adolescents who are "in rebellion" listen to what their parents have to say, more than they are willing to admit! So, after listening thoughtfully, you should make your own views about drug and alcohol use clear. You may believe, for example, that any use of drugs is wrong or a mistake. Say that, and then give your reasons for feeling that way. It is wise to emphasize that you know you don't really have the power to prevent your older teenage child from doing whatever she wants to do, but that you trust her to make the right decisions and to do her best. It is often the parents' confidence and faith in their child to do the right thing that is the key to providing the strength to resist peer pressure. Your advice will be a lot more persuasive, of course, if you are not abusing alcohol, tobacco, tranquilizers, or stimulants yourself. Role-Playing At this point, if your child is committed to not using drugs, you could role-play with him or her to show how to resist the urgings of friends: "Let's say your friend says to you, 'Come on. Don't be chicken. It's fun. Don't be a wuss!' What might you say to him?" If your child can't come up with a good, face-saving reply, you can offer suggestions: "What about saying, 'You can do what you want, but I think it's a mistake to mess around with drugs. Too many bad things can happen. I'd rather be with you when you don't feel like getting stoned.'" What next? After these discussions, I would count on my child's good sense. She might well use one or more of these substances at times. (Most of us in our youth went against our own parents' requests on tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs at least occasionally.) Teenagers, like adults, usually are not aware that their judgment and skills are impaired when they are under the influence of alcohol or marijuana or other so-called recreational drugs. You can strongly encourage them to use a designated driver--someone who won't use alcohol or other drugs that evening--whenever they go to a party. And you can reassure them that they can telephone you for a ride home with no questions asked whenever they feel they don't have a safe ride or shouldn't drive themselves. But you should know that further lectures--or sharp questions or snooping--will do no good. Instead, these actions convey that you really don't trust your child and might actually provoke your child to rebel. For more useful information check out our Tobacco, Family Relationships, and School Problems programs. Click here to join the discussion on Drugs, Alcohol, and Tobacco.
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