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| |    How to Talk with Your Children about Drugs and Alcohol by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Adapted from Baby and Child Care, by Dr. Benjamin Spock. Regardless of the ages of your children, I think it's important always to let them know that they can discuss anything with you and that you will respond in an honest and constructive way. You may not like the subject, but burying your head in the sand will prevent you from offering guidance and support to your child when she may need it the most. Instead of passively waiting for your child to bring up the subject of drugs, you should ask her about it in a calm and nonjudgmental way. Choose your time carefully, when she tends to be most open to you, such as driving in the car, right before bedtime, or on a lazy weekend morning. By initiating the conversation, you'll let her know that you understand that drugs are an issue for all children, that you take it seriously, and that you are available to talk about it at any time. Keeping your own fears and feelings contained while you talk about this volatile subject can be quite difficult, but it's simply not helpful to your child if your response isn't calm, collected, and constructive. First, you need to elicit her feelings and ideas about drugs. You can start by asking her more general questions, such as "Why do you think so many kids try drugs?" "What do they like about drugs?" "What harm might come of experimenting with drugs?" If she's responding well, you can move on to more personal questions, such as "Have you thought about using drugs?" "Do you think that some of your friends might be using drugs?" Finally, you might be ready to ask the big one: "Have you tried drugs?" No matter what the answers, you should show respect and thoughtfulness, not horror and panic, toward your child's viewpoint. Remember that they indicate the strength of her defenses against (or vulnerabilities to) drug use. You need to understand where your child stands before you can consider strategies to prevent use or abuse. Get your facts straight It is essential you have accurate information about alcohol and drug use. Adolescents have their antennae attuned to inaccuracies, especially from their parents. If a parent rants hysterically about how marijuana makes you crazy and the child knows full well that his marijuana-using friends are not crazy, that parent's credibility is seriously undermined. In addition to using the information we have put together for you, it can be helpful to have objective pamphlets or books that discuss the effects and consequences of various drugs, including alcohol. You and your child can read these together and discuss what you have read. She needs to view you as a repository of factual information to whom she can go when she has questions--not as an antidrug propagandist. (Don't worry, the real effects of alcohol and other abuse are bad enough. You won't need to exaggerate them.) See the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) website for a selection of pamphlets with relevant information about every drug. NIDA, a branch of the National Institutes of Health, is a very reliable source of information. For more specific tips on how to talk with your pre-teen or teenager about drugs, see "Tips on Talking about Drugs". For more useful information check out our Tobacco, Family Relationships, and School Problems programs. Click here to join the discussion on Drugs, Alcohol, and Tobacco.
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