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| |    Deciding to Adopt by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. The decision whether or not to adopt is simple for some, very complicated for others. Probably the soundest reason for adopting is the desire to have a child to raise and love. Other motivations (wanting to help, believing that you are rescuing a child in need), while noble, often lead to disappointments and regrets. Couples considering adoption often find that they have very different feelings about it. One partner may be utterly committed to having a child to raise, while the other may not feel that need so strongly. One may feel that having a biological connection is crucial, while the other finds this much less important. One may be very concerned about possible congenital or psychological problems in the adopted child, while the other is not. These feelings often run deep. Increasingly, adoption is being chosen by single people or people in committed same-sex relationships. In these families, the need for soul-searching and decision making is the same or even somewhat more intense than it is for traditional couples. For single parents, the challenges often involve limited finances and time. Gay and lesbian couples seeking to adopt also have to deal with societal prejudice and in some cases, legal barriers. Clear and honest communication during the decision-making process is crucial. Disagreements that are swept under the rug early in the process have a way of coming out later. Where there are strong tensions involving the adoption decision, a family therapist, psychologist, or other professional often can help guide a couple through the process of discussion, mutual understanding, and compromise. As tough as it may be, the decision whether or not to adopt is just the first of many difficult choices facing the prospective parents. They also have to decide what characteristics in a child they can and cannot accept. Age is a critical factor; most adoptive parents would prefer to start with a newborn, but newborns are in very short supply unless parents are willing to look overseas. Decisions about child characteristics, like the decision to adopt itself, require soul-searching and honesty. These decisions in turn determine the type of adoption sought. Our article "Different Types of Adoption" outlines these options.
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