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| |    Understanding Bullying by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Sege, M.D., Ph.D. Bullying is so common that a parent might be tempted to see it as somehow a normal part of growing up. Phrases like "he's just a big bully" make bullying seem like a harmless thing. But the reality is anything but. When bullying takes root in a school, it sets a tone that undermines learning because every child has to worry about being victimized. It also sets the stage for continuing violence, as children who were victims sometimes turn on weaker children or occasionally explode in rage. The instigator Bullying occurs when a powerful child repeatedly picks on a less powerful one. Boys who bully usually use physical force and threats, while girls are more likely to taunt and exclude their selected victims. Bullies take things from their victims--lunch money, toys, sometimes even articles of clothing--but mainly what they're after is what they might consider to be respect. They want to be known as strong, powerful, and tough. Some children become bullies in reaction to harsh discipline at home, others out of fear, and still others because bullying brings them status. In order to increase their power, bullies often gather a group of followers. They control these cronies by giving or removing approval. Anyone who steps out of line may end up being picked on himself. In a sense, bullies are leaders. Unfortunately, the distorted leadership skills bullies develop as children don't serve them well later in life. They are more likely to drop out of school, lose their jobs, fail in relationships, abuse family members physically, and spend time in jail. They are also more likely to commit suicide. This is not to say that every child who has ever been a bully is destined to a life of aggressive, antisocial behavior. But a child who bullies needs help to stop, for his own sake as well as his victims'. The victim About 1 child in 10 is a victim of bullying. In general, these children are different in some way--either physically unattractive, shy, or simply vulnerable. They usually have few friends. Many of them report feeling isolated and depressed. Their bodies ache, not only when they have been physically hurt, but also as a sign of emotional distress. They often avoid school, developing what is sometimes called "school phobia." Like the bullies, they are at risk for suicide and suicide attempts. Sadly, some of the school shooters in the late 1990s were victims of bullies, seeking revenge. For every victim, there are many children who are bystanders. They take part in the bullying by laughing, nervously perhaps, and by keeping quiet about it to adults. They fear that if they try to protect the victim, they are likely to become targets themselves. Bullies play to this audience. The bystanders may feel that there is nothing they can do, but they also often feel guilty because they know that bullying is wrong and they are letting it happen. Bullies usually are careful to hide their actions from teachers. School officials often don't know the extent of the problem, and parents may have a hard time believing their children could act in such a cruel way. Bullying is a problem among children, but it is not reasonable to expect them to solve it on their own. They need parents and other adults to take the lead to create bully-free schools and neighborhoods. What you can do As a parent, you can do several things to take effective action against bullying:
Bullying in Schools. This is an exceptional collection of more than 25 clear, helpful articles about bullying. The source is ERIC, the Educational Resources Information Clearing House, a well-trusted, publicly supported storehouse of information on education and related topics. Bully Beware is a Canadian organization that provides a good reading list on its website, including specific information about anti-bullying campaigns for schools. Olweus D. Bullying at School. Oxford UK: Blackwell Publishers; 1993. This is the original book about bullying prevention, and it contains a virtual cookbook for bully-proofing your child's school.
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