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| |    Gift-Giving at Holiday Time by Susan E. Davis reviewed by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. Giving gifts--especially giving gifts to children--is a traditional part of the winter holidays and certainly a ritual to be honored. But in our consumer-driven culture, things can quickly get out of hand. Store windows, print and broadcast advertisements, and a cascade of holiday catalogs often make it seem as though buying things is the only task in December. In addition to cluttering our homes and depleting our savings, piles of presents can obscure the deeper, spiritual meanings of the winter holidays. So how does a parent decide how much is too much, or what kinds of gifts are appropriate? It's not easy, and every family's situation is different, but here are a few suggestions to keep in mind: Make a realistic budget--and stick to it. Sure you want to give your children the world, but straining the family finances year after year to prove your love or keep up with the Joneses (or the Joneses' children) really isn't doing them any favors. Take a good, hard look at what you can comfortably afford to spend, and plan your purchases accordingly. If your children are old enough to make wish lists, encourage them to do so early in the season, and then edit the lists with them, explaining in kind and clear terms which items might be out of the family's price range right now. You'll be amazed how readily most children accept this, especially if you start setting limits when they're very young. Another benefit: They're sure to find the season even merrier if Mom and Dad aren't tense and fretting about how they're going to pay for all the expensive goods under the tree. Buy toys with staying power. You'll get your money's worth if you avoid most faddish toys and concentrate on those that will last a long time and can serve multiple purposes. Blocks, for instance, can entertain children from the age of six months to ten years (or more, if a child is architecturally inclined). At first, they provide the means for building simple towers, providing invaluable lessons in hand-eye coordination, spatial relations, and balance. Soon they're serving as the basis for elaborate games of pretend ("this is the castle and this is the garden and here is where the prince plays"), or, in the case of alphabet blocks, they're being used as spelling tools or to tell a story. Similarly, dress-up clothes--whether purchased new or gleaned from Grandma's attic--afford children many happy seasons of role-playing fun. And musical instruments, from a set of toy bongos to a child-size portable keyboard, can spark a child's interest in music that can last and deepen through the years. Buy simple toys. OK, you may not be able to resist that interactive robotic dog or the latest Pokemon video game, but make sure that some good, plain toys are also in the mix. The simpler the toy, the more the child exercises her imagination to use it. A doll that talks, crawls, rolls her eyes, and giggles is entertaining, but a classic, do-nothing doll actually does more in the long run because a child's interactions with it are governed more by her imagination and less by the manufacturer's technology. Choose age-appropriate gifts. Safety concerns aren't the only reason to consider the age-appropriateness of the toys you buy. Your four-year-old son may passionately demand a 200-piece dinosaur jigsaw puzzle, but once in his hands, its difficulty level quickly bores him to tears or sends him into a frustration-induced tantrum. Look for toys that your child can master readily--or master with just a little time or help. How to be sure? Age ranges on packages are one guide, although they tend to be quite general. Observing your child at play is the best way to gauge his own abilities and interests; watching other children his age also can clue you in on what he might be able to handle and find enjoyable. (See our toy articles for specific gift suggestions for different ages.) Expensive isn't always better. The playhouse with the electric lights, wooden kid-sized oven, and remote-control garage may look perfect, but generations of children have been just as ecstatic over playhouses made from big cardboard boxes. And sometimes a parent's handiwork (e.g., painting the box to look like your own home or preschool, or refurbishing a second-hand bike) is far more pleasing than the insta-toy plucked from a store. Keep sight of the person you want your child to be. Most of us would like to have children who grow into prudent, not overly materialistic adults. Overloading your kids each year with mountains of playthings probably isn't the best route to that end. Instead, try giving fewer, well-chosen presents and help cultivate a sense of gratefulness and appreciation. Remember that time is the most precious gift. Especially in families with two working parents, time can be the most important present you can give your children. If you've all been hurtling off in different directions because of job, school, sports, and social commitments, this could be the year to cut back to a modest gift or two per person and use the extra money to take a trip together, maybe rent a cabin in the mountains and go skiing and sledding, or head to Hawaii or the Caribbean for a tropical holiday. Even if you can't manage a getaway, you can still slow down and schedule in some meaningful family time. Prepare a special meal together, play board games, look at old photo albums or family videotapes, walk in a snowy field, go out to dinner and a movie; the activity isn't important as long as it's one that you all enjoy and lets you reconnect with the people you love most.
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