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| |    Difficulty Being Away From Parents by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Many school-age children experience uncomfortable, anxious feelings when they are away from their parents. Every child is born with more or less of a tendency to feel anxious. Children who are very sensitive are often more prone to anxiety and worry than their less sensitive peers. Parents don't create this tendency toward anxiousness by anything they do--or not do. A child's natural temperament plays a big role. Often, only one child in a family will be prone to anxiousness, while the others are outgoing. At the same time, parents who are empathetic to their children sometimes begin to think of a son or daughter as being particularly "sensitive." The child, in turn, may live up to his parent's expectations, and act even more anxious than he otherwise would. As a parent, you walk a thin line between being sensitive to your child, and unintentionally sending the message that he really does have a lot to worry about! How big is the problem? If your child has difficulties with some separations-for example, with sleepovers--the first thing you need to decide is how serious the problem is. Ask yourself, Does he also have difficulty going to school? Does he miss many days because of vague "illnesses" that get better once he doesn't have to go? Is he doing OK academically (some children become so anxious in school that they can't concentrate)? Does he have friends, and is he generally accepted by his peers? Does his difficulty with being apart from you cause him a lot of negative feelings or shame, or is he really pretty comfortable with it? Generally, if anxiousness is a problem only in one or two areas (for example, he doesn't do well with sleepovers, but otherwise he's doing fine), then it may make sense to focus on a child's good qualities and accomplishments and confidently expect that he'll grow out of the separation problems. Sometimes a child just needs more time, without pressure, to feel comfortable taking the next step towards independence. On the other hand, if his anxiety is causing problems in many areas of your son's life, or if they are causing him a lot of distress (or cause you at lot of distress), then it makes sense to get help sooner, rather than later. Getting help The most helpful professionals for anxiety problems are likely to be either child psychologists or psychiatrists, developmental-behavioral pediatricians, or psychotherapists (who might come from different backgrounds-such as social work or counseling). Your child's physician or nurse practitioner may be a good source for a referral. Many different treatments can help, including individual therapy, family therapy, and, in some cases, medication. You can be optimistic that anxiety problems often do get better, once you recognize them and get appropriate help.
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