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Aggression: 6 to 12 Years

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Parents and teachers expect elementary school children to control their aggressive feelings, follow the rules, and behave most of the time. School-age children learn to direct aggressive feelings into acceptable channels, such as sports, chess, or competing for grades.

At the same time, in many schools and neighborhoods, name-calling, shoving, and fighting are the norm. Children sometimes feel that they must either be aggressors or victims. The risks of aggression at this age are higher: In addition to fists and feet, some children carry knives or other weapons. Too many have access to guns, and a minority uses them, with tragic consequences.

Signs that aggressiveness is a problem
• Your child gets into frequent fights with peers or siblings.

• Your child seriously injures another child.

• Your child has been injured in a fight.

• Your child uses a knife or other weapon in a fight.

• Your child uses threats or intimidation against smaller or weaker children.

• Other adults often complain about his behavior.

• He has been asked to leave a school or an after-school program because of his behavior.

• Babysitters refuse to work for you.

• Other children avoid your child, or the only children who want to play with him are also very aggressive.

• He has potentially dangerous behaviors, such as playing with fire or knives, or physically hurts animals or siblings (more than the usual rough-and-tumble play).

How you feel is important
I have worked with many parents of school-age children who have problems with aggressive behavior. Almost always, the parents are worried that their child may be heading into even bigger trouble. They're confused about how the problem came to be and angry at their child. Parents very often wonder what they did wrong. They may feel helpless and turn to harsh punishments. I have known children who were grounded for months at a time.

The child's aggressiveness may call forth an aggressive response from parents, with threats, spanking, hitting, or even more severe physical abuse. Often the child's problem gives rise to arguments between parents, or between parents and grandparents. With so many confused, negative feelings, I usually recommend that parents seek support for themselves at the same time that they are getting help for their children. Sometimes a change in a parent's attitude is the key that allows a child to change as well.

If violence is a concern in your family
You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800)799-7233 for information on programs in your area that can help. This service is free to both men and women. It can help you with crisis intervention and with locating the nearest shelter.
 RELATED INFORMATION
*  Aggression

Related Message Boards
*Aggressive Behavior and Bullying



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