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Pinching, Biting, and Pulling (Infants)

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Between about 9 and 18 months, many infants develop a habit of grabbing their mother's or their father's face when they're being held, or pulling at hair or earrings. At first this behavior might be seen as cute, but it soon becomes a nuisance. What can you do?

A good response is to let her know that it hurts and to gently prevent her from doing it again. Babies want to please their parents because they love them. On the other hand, they are also drawn to explore and experiment. If your baby is very persistent, she might not stop right away. If need be, you can put her down momentarily to teach her that the consequence of pinching or pulling is to be separated briefly from you.

This almost always works, especially if you do it right after the first pinch or pull. Just say, "Ouch! No hurting!" and put her down. After about 30-45 seconds, pick her back up. (To a six-month-old, a minute is a long time!) You don't want to lecture your baby about why pinching is bad--all that attention will just encourage her to repeat the experiment. There is no need to yell or to slap her hand. These actions would only startle her, and eventually she would learn to mimic them.

Biting is common, too
Biting is normal behavior for infants, who naturally explore the world with their mouths. So the goal is to teach them to know the difference between things they should bite (food, teething rings) and what they shouldn't (people). One way to do this is to anticipate the biting and prevent it, while saying firmly and without a smile, "No biting!" If you're not fast enough, you can respond by saying, "Ouch, that hurts!" with a sad look on your face. There is no need, in either case, to yell or slap. Biting a child back doesn't stop biting; instead, a child is likely to learn by imitation and bite more.

When should this behavior stop?
Even with the best, consistent teaching, toddlers may not stop biting, pinching, or pulling right away. A young child stops pinching momentarily in response to being told "no," but in a few moments may be back at it again. Gradually, there is less and less of the aggressive behavior. By age two, it regularly appears in times of high frustration or stress; by age three, it's rare.
 RELATED INFORMATION
*  Aggression: Responding to Your Infant
*  Child Development: 9 to 12 Months
*  Aggression


Created May 06, 2000
Reviewed and revised November 20, 2000
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