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Aggression: Responding to Your Infant

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Here are some ideas for dealing with your infant's assertive behaviors and how to help manage aggressiveness at a later age.

Use feeling words
When you talk with your baby, use emotional (or feeling) words, such as "mad," "scared," or "frustrated," that seem to describe his state of mind at that moment. Of course, it will take years for those words and concepts to really sink in, but over time, the words you say will have more and more meaning. Eventually, your baby--at age three or four, sometimes earlier--will be able to use those words to describe and take control of his own feelings.

Use gentle firmness
Respond to seemingly aggressive acts--hair pulling, biting, or pinching--with gentle firmness. Unclamp your child's hand (or mouth) from your arm, say something like "no hurting," and if need be put him down on the floor or playpen. Let your expression be serious (no laughing, even if the behavior seems somehow cute) but not overly shocked. Pick him up soon, before he begins to fuss too much, but be prepared to repeat the whole procedure many times. For assertive, high-intensity children, it can take many repetitions before they learn the boundaries of what is acceptable.

Create a no-hurting zone
It is never to soon to make your home a no-hurting zone. Young infants are tuned in to the emotional tone of their surroundings. If you find yourself often yelling at your spouse or children, think about ways you can change that. If there is actual physical violence in your home, either against you or against any other family member, this can have serious effects even on very young children.

If violence is a concern in your family, you can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 for information on programs in your area that can help. This service is free to both men and women.
 RELATED INFORMATION
*  Playing with Your Infant
*  Aggression


Created May 06, 2000
Reviewed and revised November 20, 2000
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