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| |    Aggressiveness in Infants: Dealing with Your Own Feelings by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. When a child acts aggressively, it is easy for a parent to feel frustrated and angry herself. If you find yourself responding to your child's aggression with more anger than seems reasonable, stop and figure out what is going on. Here are some helpful questions to ask: Are you really scared that you might not be in control of the situation, and so are tempted to come down hard? Are you frustrated and angry with yourself for not being more in control? Is your baby angry at you? Some parents feel that their infants are angry at them. They worry about leaving to go to work or that they're not giving them enough attention. Often it is the parent's own feeling of guilt that brings out these concerns. These feelings can be especially strong when parents have to be apart from their babies a lot, because of job demands, for example, or illness. Whatever the cause, the feeling that "my child doesn't like me" can be very painful for a parent. Talking with a trusted family member, physician, or counselor sometimes can help alleviate these feelings. The very aggressive baby You may be convinced that your baby is very aggressive. Sometimes I find this is the case when a child is temperamentally active, persistent, and intense and a parent is feeling tired or depressed. This combination can lead to aggressive baby behavior (hitting, throwing) and also to a feeling of helplessness in the parent. Parents in this situation often find that getting help for their own feelings of depression markedly improves their child's behavior. If you have been a victim Sometimes mothers who are especially concerned about aggressiveness in their babies have themselves been victims of physical or emotional abuse. This is especially tough if the abuser was the baby's father. Mothers in this situation often worry that their male babies will grow up to be abusive like their fathers. This worry can make the child's normal demands and complaints seem more controlling or aggressive. The problem is worse if the baby is temperamentally active, intense, and persistent. Parents in this situation deserve help from professionals--their own doctor and their child's doctor--to be assured that they are safe, and to help deal with the psychological effects of abuse.
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