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| |    Aggression: 12 to 24 Months by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Every child has aggressive and angry feelings from time to time. By age one, children are more expressive of their likes and dislikes, more intent on getting what they want. They may have already begun testing the limits of acceptable behavior. They also are more aware of the things they cannot do, either because they're too small or lack the skill, or their parents won't let them. All these factors give rise to frustration. At the same time, one-year-olds have very limited abilities to express their feelings in words, and so they often act out. Aggressive is not the same as angry Young children often grab toys or run over other children on their way to something they want. Most of the time they are not actually angry; they're just intent on getting their way and unaware of others' feelings. They need an adult to slow them down and to help them to see the effects of their actions and how they can get what they want more appropriately. Is aggressiveness ever good? Aggressive behavior can have a positive side: You want your child to learn to stand up for what's right or to protect herself. One of the main tasks of childhood is to learn when and how much aggressiveness is appropriate, and when a more peaceful approach is in order. I worry when I see an older child whose only approach to every problem seems to be aggressive. Mixed messages Many parents have a hard time teaching their children how to manage aggressive feelings. They often send mixed messages: One praises toughness and plays at punching and wrestling, while the other scolds the child for fighting all the time. I even sometimes see one parent do both at the same time, smiling at their little fighter while criticizing him for not listening. I think it helps to think about your own feelings about aggressiveness, talk it over with your spouse or partner, and then try to present a consistent message to your child.
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