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| |    How Aggressive Behaviors Change over Time by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Infants are born with instincts for self-preservation that show up as what we label "aggressive" behaviors. They may cry angrily when they are hungry or uncomfortable and may clamp down hard on their mother's nipple while nursing. Over time, these emotions get sorted into more well-defined states: frustration, complaining, and assertiveness. Anger as a discrete emotion emerges in the second six months of life. A nine-month-old baby, for example, scowls while he pushes away the cereal spoon wielded by his coaxing mom or dad--he wants to hold it himself and is angry at his parent's repeated attempts to get him to "open up." Toddlers and preschoolers One- and two-year-olds, when they're angry with another child, may bite the child's arm without hesitation. But by three or four, they should have already learned that physical aggression is not acceptable. Also by this time, they can be encouraged to express their anger in words rather than actions. Although they try hard to follow adult rules about aggression, their angry impulses sometimes break through, and they strike out at playmates and siblings (often), or at their parents, or at themselves. Unless these outbursts happen frequently, they are normal. Young children's play often has an aggressive aspect to it: kicking a ball in the direction of someone else; squirting and just happening to get someone wet; waving a stick around a little too close to someone else's head. Often the target of this aggressive play is someone the child likes and is not angry with at all. He just wants attention. Still, roughhouse play that starts out in fun often leads to anger, as the child loses sight of the other person's feelings. Pretend play often centers on fighting fictional bad guys. Preschool children may even pretend to shoot at their mother or father, all the while smiling to show that their hostility is not serious. If parents respond encouragingly, children sometimes adopt more tough or aggressive attitudes as part of their regular behavioral style. On the other hand, if parents are very negative or shaming in their response, children may either rebel or shamefacedly comply; in either case, their self-image may be hurt, and in the long-term, self-control becomes more, not less, difficult. School-age children In the 6- to 12-year-old period, children will play an earnest game of war, but it will have lots of rules. There may be arguments and roughhousing, but real fights are relatively infrequent. At this age, children stop pretending to shoot their parents, even in fun. It's not that the parents have become stricter; the children's own consciences have. Adolescents In adolescence, aggressive feelings become much stronger, but by then most children are able to channel them into athletics and other competitions or into kidding their pals. Adolescents can also draw on their reasoning powers to think their way out of conflict situations. The ability to think of many different possible responses and to choose a course of action based on its likely consequences (rather than on the impulse of the moment) is a crucial achievement. Teenagers are in the process of joining an adult world in which aggression in the form of wars, gangs, and destructive forms of competition all too often holds sway. They need parents and other adult models, as well as a strong foundation of values, in order to deal with the world in a nonviolent, but still effective, manner.
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