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| |    Dressing Up: How Appropriate are Certain Costumes? A matter of principle or a matter of taste? by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Penny Warner Your six-year-old girl wants to be a belly dancer, complete with harem pants and veil. Your seven-year-old boy wants to be a ninja and diligently practices his silent killing techniques. If these stereotypic images make you squirm a bit (and they do me), what options do you have? Is there any real harm in your child dressing up as an aggressive or sexist stereotype? Should you simply say "no" to some costumes? Whatever you decide, you can make it a learning experience for your child. The effects of aggressive and sexist make-believe Most children know the difference between reality and play. They know that pretending to be a cowboy doesn't make you one in reality, nor do they usually grow up to become the characters they play. But play is meaningful. A child playing with guns experiences a certain excitement related to shooting. A child pretending to be a beautiful princess enjoys a certain excitement related to being glamorous. These children are learning about violence and beauty, and about the roles of men and women in our society. These lessons become problematic when they make children feel anxious, or encourage them to accept narrow role definitions for either gender. It's your call Parents often feel powerless in the face of their children's heartfelt requests (or demands!) to have certain costumes. "What could I do?" I've heard many a mom or dad complain. "He wanted that commando costume so badly." One thing parents can do is say "no." It helps if you can follow the "no" with a general rule, such as "No guns are allowed in our house, not even play guns." Children may grumble, but they accept parents' rights to make these sorts of rules. It may be harder to object on principle to sexist and stereotyping costumes. But if you feel strongly enough that a particular costume is degrading to women, or to Native Americans, or to anyone else, you can say so and state the rule "We don't do things that hurt other people's feelings, or that portray people in a stereotyped way." It may take years before your child really understands about stereotypes, but eventually the message will sink in. Of course, you might also decide that even though a particular costume isn't your style, there's nothing really wrong with it. Personally, I put superhero and ballerina costumes in this category. For these, it's best to give your consent willingly, enjoy your child's happiness, and keep your opinion to yourself.
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