Sex After Giving Birth

October 06, 2008

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Sex After Giving Birth

by Lisa Rodriguez, R.N. and Marjorie Greenfield, M.D.
reviewed by Marjorie Greenfield, M.D.

How long should you wait

Having sex with your partner again, after giving birth, may either be very exciting or very anxiety provoking, or both. Some women feel they are ready soon after delivery. Others would like to wait much longer even than their doctor recommends. While some practitioners suggest you should wait at least four weeks after you deliver, most suggest waiting six weeks. At this point, you should have had your postpartum check-up and your practitioner can see how you are healing (particularly if you had an episiotomy).

Although many women feel physically ready to engage in sexual relations after having a baby, they may not feel the desire they once had.

Reasons for decreased desire

Hormones: Sexual desire is often diminished after childbirth due to decreased hormone levels. This may be particularly true for breastfeeding mothers, where the hormonal suppression can last months.

Fatigue: Fatigue is a major factor. The baby is waking up at all hours, leaving you eternally exhausted.

Time: The opportunity just isn't there. Life is suddenly changed to the point of chaos.

Body Image: Sometimes women and men feel differently about the woman's body after she gives birth.

Anxiety: Many women feel anxiety about the pain they might experience. Intercourse is often uncomfortable at the beginning. Your perineum may still be sore even after the six-week wait to have intercourse. If you are breastfeeding, you may experience vaginal dryness due to lack of hormones.

When you feel that you are ready to have sex again:

Make some time for you and your partner. Wait until the baby is asleep or leave him or her with a friend. Do something fun just for the two of you. Set the mood for your evening together.

Start slowly. Tell your partner what pleases you and what is uncomfortable.

Use a lubricant for vaginal dryness, if you need to. A water-soluble choice is best, such as KY jelly or a "personal lubricant" usually displayed near the spermicides at your drugstore.

Try different positions. Sometimes a woman may have more control if she is on her side or kneeling over her partner.

Prevent leaking milk. If you are worried about leaking milk, wear a bra during sex.

Don't ignore persistent pain. If you have pain that prevents intercourse, lasts throughout intercourse, or doesn't slowly improve over weeks, discuss it with your practitioner.

You and your partner need to communicate about any issues that concern you, and only engage in sex when you both feel ready. You may want to explore other avenues of making love aside from sexual intercourse, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation, until both of you feel comfortable with intercourse.


RELATED INFORMATION

			Postpartum Fatigue
			Sex and Pregnancy: Mom's Perspective
			Dad's Sex and Relationships

Created August 08, 2000
Reviewed August 23, 2004

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