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| |    Choosing a Home Caregiver by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Some working parents engage a housekeeper, sitter, or caregiver ("caregiver" seems a more meaningful word than "sitter") to come to their home to care for their child for part of the day. If it's for most of the day, this person may well become the second most formative influence on the young child's developing personality, after the parents. So the parents should try to find a person who shows much the same kind of love, interest, responsiveness, and control as they do. The most important trait Far and away the most important trait is the person's disposition. Most likely it will be a woman. Toward children she should be affectionate, understanding, comfortable, sensible, and self-confident. She should love and enjoy them without smothering them with attention. She should be able to control them without nagging or severity. In other words, she should get along with them happily. It is a help when interviewing a prospective caregiver to have your child with you. You can tell how she responds to a child better by her actions than by what she says. Avoid the person who is cross, reproving, fussy, humorless, or full of theories. Other qualities to look for A common mistake that parents make is to look first of all for a person with a lot of experience. It's natural that they should feel more comfortable leaving a child with someone who knows what to do for the colic or the croup. But illnesses and injuries are a very small part of a child's life. It's the minutes and hours of every day that count. Experience is fine when it's combined with the right personality. With the wrong personality, it's worth very little. Cleanliness and carefulness are more important than experience. You can't let someone make the baby's formula who refuses to do it correctly. Still, there are many rather untidy people who are careful when it's important. Better a person who is too casual than one who is too fussy. Common sense is critically important. Your relationship with the caregiver The caregiver you choose has to get along well with your child and with you, too. You are partners in an extremely important task--the rearing of a child. You need to be able to share information and ideas and concerns. You need to trust each other. Your relationship should ideally be one of openness and mutual respect, with the understanding that you, the parent, make the final decisions. Look for someone who listens to you, who wants to know your thoughts about childrearing and who shares your values, and who is not afraid to express her own ideas. Talk about:
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