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| |    When Worry Causes a Stomachache by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Just as in adults, being worried, sad, mad, or upset makes some children's stomachs hurt. These stress-induced stomachaches can stem from a number of causes, and, as a parent, you may have to do a little detective work before you can help your child feel better. Sources of stress In some cases, you might not have to look very far. Even with the best of intentions, parents can be the cause of a child's stress. Sometimes they put pressure on children to succeed academically, athletically, or socially and don't realize how anxious they're making their sons or daughters. Sometimes they pressure children to handle difficult issues in a too grown-up way (being "strong" about the death of a pet, for example). And sometimes problems at home show up as stomachaches in school. Every marriage runs into difficulties from time to time, for instance, but if parents are fighting a lot or not speaking to each other, the tension can make a child's stomach hurt. Pressure doesn't always come from parents, of course. Many children also put pressure on themselves. If a sibling is having medical or behavioral problems, for example, the "good" child (the one without the problem) may end up with the stomachache. A child also may feel driven to succeed, maybe even excel, at sports or school. School, in fact, is the source of stress for many children. Sometimes they might be working very hard on a particular issue, such as trying not to talk during circle time or trying to please an exacting teacher. Or they might be overly concerned about a minor transgression (for example, losing something that belongs to another student). Tensions with peers can arise in the classroom, on the playground, even on the bus on the way to school. What you can do First and foremost, even when the pains come day after day and it's clear your child is physically well, don't dismiss an ache as imaginary. The root causes of stomachaches may be "in her head," but as any child can tell you, the pain is very real and in her stomach! Children need to feel that the adults around them listen to them, and care about their needs. Instead, respond in a way that encourages your child to take charge of her own body. Think about the words you use. By asking, "What can we do to make your stomach feel better?," you're letting your child know that she's not alone and that together you can take action to solve the problem. You also can try any of the simple stomachache remedies and preventive measures at the same time you are helping your child to become more psychologically comfortable. This is another way to show your child that you're taking her problem seriously. Finally, if you suspect that school is the source of your child's physical ailments, be sure to talk to her teacher. The teacher might be able to help pinpoint the reason for the stress and even address it, perhaps by encouraging the class to understand the value of including everyone in play, or by talking about teasing or bullying and the impact of hurtful words. What if the pains continue? If stomach pain persists and happens frequently enough to really interfere with a child's quality of life (causing her to miss school, sports, or play dates, for example), it makes sense to involve her doctor. The doctor can make sure that there isn't any medical cause for the pain, and also can help you find a psychologist or other professional to work with your child and strengthen her coping skills. Although it can be frightening to ask for this kind of help--some parents are afraid that the doctor will think their child is "crazy," for example, or be critical of their parenting skills--it can make all the difference in the world for a family.
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