Meaningful Family Time

November 22, 2009

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Meaningful Family Time

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.

Parents and children are busier these days than ever before. It's no wonder that the idea of so-called quality time appeals to parents who don't have a large quantity of time with their children. When people use this term, they usually mean time spent interacting in a warm, sensitive, relaxed manner. When you think of it that way, ideally every minute parents spend with their children should be quality time. In real life, of course, that isn't possible. But children do need a certain amount of quality time each day in order to thrive, just as they need good food and restful sleep.

A family affair
Meaningful family time is like quality time, but it involves the whole family. When you think back to your own childhood, you may remember family activities that now have special meaning for you. Maybe you recall Sunday afternoon touch football games or evenings spent playing charades or cards. Perhaps you remember going to religious services each week and the wonderful meals you all enjoyed afterwards. Perhaps you attach special meaning to a place where your family went to be closer to nature, or to a particular family trip. If you are fortunate enough to have such memories, you know that they play an important role in shaping your ideas about what a family should be.

To make meaningful family time part of your child's legacy, start with your own best childhood recollections. Then talk to your spouse or partner, your parents, relations, and friends-see what made them feel closer to their parents and siblings when they were growing up. And when thinking of ways to make the most of your time together, be sure to consider your present passions as well; whether they involve baking, gardening, singing, or shooting hoops, they also might be naturals to share with your children. The more thought you put into creating meaningful family experiences, the more it's bound to pay off in a deeper understanding of yourself and your loved ones.

Here are some other ideas for enjoyable and meaningful family activities:

Special meals. Consider making a special family meal once a week. If your child or children can participate in the preparation, so much the better. Bring out a fancy tablecloth and candles and dabble with gourmet recipes, or serve sub sandwiches and soda pop on a blanket spread out in the family room for an indoor "picnic"-whatever best suits your family's style. If you have relatives nearby, consider including them. It doesn't have to be dinner-maybe a weekend pancake breakfast works better for your family.

Religious observances. Attending religious services regularly is a time-tested way for families to connect. The rituals vary from religion to religion, but the theme of community and belonging is universal.

Family outings. Most of the time, children can be responsible for entertaining themselves. But every once in a while, plan a family activity that is simply for fun. It might be a picnic, a trip to an amusement park, or a special event such as the circus or fair.

Breaking the rules. If your family has fairly strict rules, consider breaking them every once in a while. For example, if the TV always has to be turned off during dinner (a rule I highly advise!), why not serve TV dinners or pizza on trays once or twice when there is something special on? If you usually are firm about bedtimes, why not stay up late one night to gaze at the stars together, or wake up before dawn to see the sunrise and the first birds of the morning?
Community service. Meaningful time doesn't have to involve entertainment. Find a community project--a book drive, soup kitchen, community garden, or nursing home that needs help--and work at it together. The chance to do meaningful work alongside their parents is an experience that many children prize.

Music, dance, and theater. Television and other electronic media are available to most children all of the time. Live performances are not. While tickets to certain shows can be costly, most communities offer lower-cost or free events that children find just as enjoyable. Even better, consider auditioning for a local theater production with your child, or participate in some other way, such as painting sets or selling tickets.

Nature. Young children usually are fascinated by nature. If you make outdoor adventures a part of what you do as a family, your child's love of nature may last a lifetime. Even in the city, there's bound to be a zoo, a park, or botanical gardens just a short bus or train ride away.

Travel. Family trips become meaningful when you take time to research them and plan what you want to do. Get a guidebook and maps, talk about the sights you'll see, learn a few words of the native language if you're going to a foreign land. Then enjoy exploring together.


RELATED INFORMATION

			Parenting: Trust Yourself
			Quality Time
			Parenting

Created December 16, 2001
Reviewed August 26, 2004

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