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| |    Later Elementary School Discussions of Sex by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed and revised by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. By fifth grade, if not before, sex is a topic among the children in most classrooms. Usually there is some fairly nervous teasing about so-and-so who "likes" so-and-so, or (in a more hurtful tone) about so-and-so being gay. If you've established that sex is not an off-limits topic, you may hear about these playground goings-on and have a chance to find out how your children feel about the issues, and offer information when they ask you. A fifth, sixth, or seventh grader may be ready for some anatomical information. Children at this age handle facts quite well. The trick is to be able to present information about sexual anatomy and function without becoming uncomfortable yourself. It can help to put this information in the context of overall anatomy and health: "What do you call the long bone in your leg? The femur. What do you call the organ in which eggs develop? Ovaries." And so on. If you feel you need a bit of a refresher course, do some reading in an encyclopedia or pick up some pamphlets from your child's doctor or nurse practitioner. Don't be surprised if your child shows no desire to talk with you about sex. This is a time when children often develop a taste for privacy, perhaps because the topic of sex makes them uncomfortable. It may also be that they keep their own counsel as an expression of their growing independence. Junior high and beyond By junior high, children are often preoccupied with sex. Most of the girls have breasts, many have begun to menstruate, some will be dating, others will wish they were or wonder if it's normal not to want to. There is simply no escaping it. So sex in its many forms can become a fairly common topic of discussion. Again, the most helpful stance is one of openness and matter-of-factness. Being open doesn't mean never saying "no" or challenging your child. If you have strong feelings about sexual behavior, you should by all means state them. Being open means that you let your children know that you love and support them. Within that framework, you are also free to let them know what you think the limits of acceptable behavior are. Children's sexual behavior is, in the end, something that children control. (If parents could control their children's sexuality, there would be no teen pregnancy!) Your goal, in talking openly with your children, is to help them take control of their sexuality and enjoy it in responsible and acceptable ways.
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