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| |    Marriage Counseling by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Before the decision to divorce is finalized, you may want to consider seeking marriage counseling. It's best, of course, if both husband and wife go into counseling on a regular basis, to get a clearer view of what has gone wrong and of the part that each partner is playing. It takes two to make a quarrel, but if one spouse refuses to acknowledge his or her role in the conflict, it may still be worthwhile for the other to get counseling on whether and how to save the marriage. After all, there were strong positive attractions in the beginning, and many divorced people say later that they wish they had tried harder to solve the problems and make a go of it. It's usually true that when a couple disagree, each one feels that the other is mostly to blame. Yet an outsider can often see that the trouble is not that one or the other is a villain but that neither seems to realize how she or he is acting. In one case, each spouse may unconsciously want to be pampered like an adored child instead of contributing to the partnership. In another case, a bossy spouse has no idea how much she or he is trying to dominate the other, and the one who is being nagged may be asking for it. Very often an unfaithful partner is not really falling in love with someone else but is running away from a hidden fear or unconsciously trying to make their spouse jealous.
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