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| |    Choosing an Adoption Agency by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Probably the most important rule of all is to arrange the adoption through a first-rate agency. It is always risky for the adopting parents to deal directly with the biological parents or with an inexperienced third person. This leaves the way open for those parents to change their minds and to try to get their child back. Even when the law stands in the way of the biological parents, the unpleasantness can ruin the happiness of the adopting family and the security of the child. A good agency will help the biological mother and relatives to make the right decision in the first place about whether or not to give the baby up. The agency will also use its judgment and experience in deciding which couples should be dissuaded from adopting. An agency worker can help the child and family during the adjustment period. The goal of all concerned is to help the child become a member of the adoptive family. Wise agencies and wise state laws require this adjustment before the adoption becomes final. One way to find out about the qualifications of an adoption agency is to call your state department of health. All state health departments have a section that licenses adoption agencies. Open adoption In recent years, it has become increasingly common for the birth mother (and sometimes the birth father) and the adoptive parents to learn a lot more about each other than used to be the case. This varies from getting a general description of each other from the adoption agency to actually meeting each other at the agency. Sometimes the birth mother can choose which of several possible adoptive parents she prefers. And in some cases an arrangement is made for the birth mother to keep up with the child--for example, receiving a snapshot of the child and a letter from the adoptive parents once a year or more often. We don't yet know how these open arrangements will work out in the long run, particularly the ones that provide continuing contact between the birth mother and the adoptive parents. I think it's good for the birth mother and adoptive parents to know more about each other at the start, because this can prevent a lot of anxious wondering on both sides. But I'm not sure how it will work out emotionally for the child and all the adults involved to have regular contact over the years. It seems to me that this could interfere with the birth mother letting go of her child emotionally, and it could also get in the way of the adoptive parents coming to feel that this is truly their child.
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