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| |    Adoption and Age Considerations by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. For the child's sake, the younger the better. For a number of complex reasons, this has not been possible for thousands of youngsters living in foster homes and institutions. Research has shown that these older children can also be successfully adopted. The age of children should not prevent their being placed. The agency will help older children and parents decide if this is right for them. Worries about heredity Some adoptive parents worry about heredity and how it will affect a child's future. The more we have learned about personality development, including intelligence, the clearer it becomes that although heredity plays a part, the environment in which the child grows up is critical. The love she receives and the feeling of belonging that she acquires are especially important. There is good evidence that specific social abnormalities, like violent behavior, immorality, delinquency, and irresponsibility, are not inherited. A great majority of the children waiting to be adopted are older. This means that most of the people who want to adopt babies or very young children will be unable to do so or will have to wait for a long time. These people may be tempted to adopt a baby through a lawyer or doctor. A lot of people think they won't have any trouble if they get a "gray market" baby this way, as opposed to a black market baby who is clearly being adopted without any legal procedures at all. Often these people discover that they, too, have difficulties, both legal and emotional, later on when, for example, the biological mother decides that she wants the baby back. Children with special needs More unmarried parents are keeping and raising their children. Therefore, there are not as many very young children needing homes. However, there are other children waiting for parents. They are for the most part school-age. They may have a brother or sister from whom they don't want to be separated. They may have some physical, emotional, or intellectual handicap. They may be war orphans. They are as much in need of love and can be as rewarding to parents as any other child. These children do have some special needs, however. Since they are older, they may have had more than one foster-care situation. Having lost parents (biological, then foster) already, they may be insecure and fearful of being rejected again. Children express this in a variety of ways, sometimes testing to see if once again they will be "sent back." These anxieties present adoptive parents with special challenges. As long as parents know about the challenges ahead of time and anticipate them (instead of expecting a child to be grateful), these children can be especially rewarding. The agency's role It's the responsibility of adoption agencies to focus their attention on finding homes for these children, even more than on finding babies for adoptive parents. If an older child has some special need, the agency staff and physicians will supply the adoptive parents with the information they will need. Most people have the capacity to be able to take good care of such children. It is the job of professionals to help inexperienced adopting parents to develop this capacity. International adoptions An increasing number of children are being adopted internationally. There are often serious questions about the physical health of children from overseas, as well as the potential for early, very severe emotional trauma due to the conditions in orphanages in some countries. Therefore, the need for prospective parents to work with reputable adoption agencies is even greater than with domestic adoptions.
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