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| |    What To Do For The Child Who Steals by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. Impulse stealing If you are pretty sure that your child has stolen something, tell him so, be firm about wanting to know where he got it, and insist on restitution. In other words don't make it easy for him to lie- If parents accept lies too easily, it's as if they were condoning the theft. The child should take the object back to the child or store from which it was taken. If it's a store, it may be tactful for the parent to go along to explain to the salesperson that the child took it without paying and wants to return it. A teacher can return an article to its owner to spare the child from public shame. In other words, it's not necessary to humiliate the child, only to make it crystal clear that stealing will not be permitted. Try to decide whether the child needs more affection and approval at home and more help in making closer friendships outside. This is the time to give him, if possible, an allowance of about the same size as that of the other children he knows. This will help him to establish himself as one of the group. Parents should get help from a doctor, child guidance clinic or a child psychiatrist or psychologist if the stealing persists or if the child seems maladjusted in other ways. Stealing to "fit in" The next type of stealing is entirely different. There are plenty of neighborhoods where the kids think of swiping things as the daring thing to do. It's not proper, but it's not vicious and it's not a sign of maladjustment. I think of this as a sort of group testing-out of the individual conscience. The children of conscientious parents who steal in an attempt to fit in may need an understanding talk, but they should not be treated like criminals because they joined in one of these adventures. They were only obeying a normal instinct to make their place in the group. The cure lies in a clear-cut reprimand and making sure that the parents aren't modeling this kind of behavior by talking--even boasting at times--about cheating on their income taxes or charging personal phone calls to their business phone. When stealing is a serious problem Finally, there is the stealing of the aggressive child or adult who has little conscience or sense of responsibility. A person may get this way through a childhood quite lacking in love and security. Stealing which persists or escalates, especially when it occurs in addition to other concerning or aggressive behaviors, requires psychological evaluation and treatment.
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