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| |    What Stealing Means by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Taking things in early childhood Small children of one, two, and three take things that don't belong to them, but this isn't really stealing. They don't have any clear sense of what belongs to them and what doesn't. They just take things because they want them very much. It's better not to make small children feel wicked. The parent needs only to remind them that the toy is Peter's, that Peter will want to play with it soon, and that "you have lots of toys at home." The child who knows better Problem stealing occasionally crops up in the period between six years and adolescence. When children at this age take something, they know they are doing wrong. They are more apt to steal secretly, to hide what they have stolen, and to deny that they have done it. When parents or teachers find that a child has stolen something, they are understandably pretty upset. Their impulse is to jump hard on the child and fill her with a sense of shame. This is natural enough, since we have all been taught that stealing is a serious crime. It scares us to see it coming out in our child. It is essential that children know clearly that their parents disapprove of any stealing and insist on immediate restitution. On the other hand, it isn't wise to scare the daylights out of them or act as if you will never love them again. Why school-aged children steal In most cases, the child who steals at this age is at least slightly unhappy and lonesome. He probably doesn't have as close a relationship with his parents as he used to. He may not feel completely successful in making friends with children his own age. (He may feel this way even though he is actually quite popular.) I think the reason that stealing occurs more often around seven is that children at this age may be feeling particularly distant from their parents. Then, if they don't have the knack of making warm and satisfying friendships, they get into a no-man's-land and feel isolated. This explains why some children who steal money use it all to try to buy friendship. One passes out dimes and nickels to classmates. Another uses it to buy candy for the class. Remember that children are drawing away a little from the parents, and the parents are apt to be more disapproving of them during this trying period. Stealing during early adolescence The early part of adolescence is another period when some children become more lonely because of increased self-consciousness, sensitivity, and desire for independence.
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