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| |    Bedtime Resistance by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Not every two-year-old who objects to being put to bed should be sat with. Far from it. Severe separation anxiety is rare, but mild reluctance to being separated is very common. This can take the form of the child trying to keep the parent in the room, or climbing out of the crib after being put to bed. The "drink of water" trap A child will urgently say, "Wee-wee!" though he went to the bathroom just a few minutes ago. This puts the parent in a quandary. On the one hand she knows it's an excuse, but on the other hand she wants to encourage cooperation from the child by being cooperative herself. So she says, "Once more." As soon as the child is back in bed and she starts to leave, he cries, "Drink of water!" looking as pathetic as a person dying of thirst. If his parent complies, he keeps alternating these two requests all evening. What to do Such a child is feeling just slightly worried about being left alone. Usually the best and most practical way for the parent to reassure him is to remind him in a friendly, firm, and breezy tone that he just had a drink and went to the bathroom, and then to say good night and leave the room without hesitation. If parents allow themselves to be detained or to look troubled and uncertain, it's as if they're saying, "Well, maybe there is something to be nervous about." Even if a child whimpers and cries for a few minutes, it is wiser not to go back. It's much easier on the child to learn the lesson right away with a little unhappiness than to have the struggle drag on for weeks. Climbing out of the crib Another type of mild bedtime anxiety is when a two-year-old learns to climb out of his crib soon after being put to bed and appears at the parents' side. He's smart enough to be very charming at such a time. He's happy to chat or to be cuddled--things he has no time for during the day. This makes it very hard for the parents to be firm. But firm they have to be, and promptly take him back to bed. Otherwise, repeated climbing out of bed may develop into an unpleasant battle lasting an hour or more every night. What to do When a climbing-out-of-bed problem in a two-year-old has gotten completely out of hand, parents sometimes ask if it is all right to lock the child's door. I don't like the idea of a child crying himself to sleep behind a locked door. Usually if you are firm and consistent in returning him promptly to his bed, he will learn the situation is hopeless and give up the quest. One exception to this, however, occurs when a child roams the house, unbeknown to his parents, in the middle of the night. This is potentially an extremely dangerous situation. In that case, if the problem persists despite your firm admonitions, I would consider putting a gate on the door or even a chain lock. In my experience the threat and the wherewithal to confine a child to his room at night are usually sufficient to stop the dangerous nighttime roaming. You rarely, if ever, actually have to lock the child in his bedroom. Talk about:
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