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| |    What Research Has Taught about Child-Rearing by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. The past half century has seen an explosion of information into the psychology of children. We have learned: • That children need the love of good parents more than anything else. • That they work hard, all by themselves, to be more grown-up and responsible. • That many of the ones who get into the most trouble are suffering from a lack of affection rather than from a lack of punishment. • That children are eager to learn if they are instructed in ways that are right for their age and if they are taught by understanding teachers. • That some jealous feelings toward brothers and sisters and occasional angry feelings toward parents are natural. • That a childish interest in the facts of life and in some aspects of sex is quite normal. • That too harsh a repression of aggressive feelings and sexual interest may lead to neurosis. • That unconscious thoughts are as influential as conscious ones; and that each child is an individual and should be allowed to be so. All these ideas sound commonplace today, but when they were first expressed they were very startling. Many of them ran counter to beliefs that had been held for centuries. It is not possible to change so many ideas about the nature and needs of children without mixing up a lot of parents. Parents who had a comfortable childhood and who are stable people have been least confused. They may have been interested in hearing about these new ideas, and they may have agreed. But when it came to actually managing their children, they did it in much the same way they were brought up themselves. And it has been successful with their children, as it was with them. This is the natural way to learn child-rearing - from having been a child in a reasonably happy family. Many parents have not been so lucky. Parents who themselves had traumatic childhoods often struggle to give their children a different, better experience. One mother who was physically abused as a child vows never to spank. But she also has difficulty setting any limits at all. A father who grew up in an alcoholic family vows never to raise his voice. He is horrified when he finds himself yelling at his four-year old. What seems to help these parents, in addition to their own heroic determination, is to have ongoing relationships with other parents and professionals who can give support and guidance. Written information can help, too. Finally, children are resilient. Parents don't have to be perfect. No parent is. Given half a chance, children grow towards being healthy, the way a sapling grows toward the light. Given love and structure from their parents, and a supportive community in which to grow, they thrive.
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