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| |    Nature and Nurture Interact Example of a stubborn two-year-old by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Let's say you're having a difficult time with your argumentative two-year-old. The transactional model would tell you first to think about what your child is bringing to the interaction: • Is it a difficult temperamental trait that's bothering you? Is she stubborn by nature? • Does she have an intense response to everything? • Does she resist change in her usual routine? • How does her developmental stage play into the situation? • Because of her age, is she unable to delay gratification for any period of time? • Does she lack the ability to talk to you about what's bothering her, and is that why she's more likely to have tantrums? What is my role in all of this? So, the child represents one piece of the puzzle. The next questions to ask yourself are these: • Am I somehow rewarding the very behaviors I am trying to stop by paying too much attention to them? • Am I making unreasonable demands by expecting a two-year-old to be a model citizen? • Am I unconsciously irritated by the child because she reminds me, say, of my sister with whom I don't get along? Putting it all together Finally, you need to put the two together to achieve a full picture of what is going on. How are my child's temperament and developmental stage contributing to this problem behavior? And just how is my behavior affecting my child? More importantly, what do I need to change to break this self-perpetuating cycle of trouble? This may sound highly theoretical, but it's exactly such questions many parents are always asking themselves, even if they are not aware of it. I think that by understanding the transactional model, you'll be better equipped to understand the forces behind your child's behavior and development, and act most effectively.
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