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School-age Children Who Occasionally Lie

by Dr. Benjamin Spock
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
When an older child lies occasionally
Everyone, grown-up or child, gets in a jam occasionally when the only tactful way out is a small lie, and this is no cause for alarm. But if a child tells a lie to deceive, the first question to ask yourself is: Why does the child feel she has to lie?

Children aren't naturally deceitful
When a child lies regularly, it may mean that she is under too much pressure of some kind. If she is failing in her schoolwork and lying about it, it isn't because she doesn't care. Her lying shows that she does care. Is the work too hard for her? Is she confused in her mind by other worries so that she can't concentrate? Are her parents setting too high standards?

Your job is to find out what is wrong, with the help of the teacher, a guidance counselor, a school psychologist, or a psychiatrist. You don't have to pretend that she has pulled the wool over your eyes. You might say gently, "You don't have to lie to me. Tell me what the trouble is and we'll see what we can do." But she won't be able to tell you the answer right away because she probably doesn't know it herself. Even if she knows some of her worries, she can't break down all at once. Helping her to express her feelings or worries takes time and understanding.

 RELATED INFORMATION
*  Discipline Overview
*  Is Punishment Necessary?
*  Stealing and Lying


Adapted from Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care
Reviewed September 18, 2004
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