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| |    Teaching Your Toddler the Ground Rules by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. This is a significant dilemma between one and two years. There will always be a few things that your toddler will have to leave alone. After all, there have to be lamps on tables. She mustn't pull them off by their cords or push the tables over. She mustn't touch the hot stove or turn on the gas or crawl out a window. 'No' isn't enough at first You can't stop a toddler just by saying no, at least not in the beginning. Even later it will depend on your tone of voice, how often you say it, and whether you really mean it. It's not a method to rely on heavily until she has learned from experience what it means--and that you mean it. Don't say "No" in a challenging voice from across the room. This gives her a choice. She says to herself, "Shall I be a wimp and do as she says, or shall I be mature and grab this lamp cord?" Remember that her natural instinct is egging her on to try things and to balk at directions. Chances are, she'll keep on approaching the lamp cord with an eye on you to see how angry you get. It's much wiser, the first few times she goes for the lamp, to go over promptly and whisk her to another part of the room. You can say "No" at the same time to begin teaching her what it means. Then quickly give her a magazine or an empty box, anything that is safe and interesting. Suppose she goes back to the lamp a few minutes later? Remove her and distract her again, promptly, definitely, cheerfully. Say, "No, no," at the same time that you remove her, adding it to your action for good measure. Sit down with her for a minute to show her what she can do with the new plaything. If necessary, put the lamp out of reach this time, or even take her out of the room. You are cheerfully but firmly showing her that you are absolutely sure in your own mind that the lamp is not the thing to play with. You are keeping away from choices, arguments, cross looks, scoldings--which may not do the job and which are likely to make her irritable. You might say, "But she won't learn unless I teach her it's naughty." Oh, yes, she will. In fact, she can accept the lesson more easily if it's done in this matter-of-fact way. When you disapprovingly waggle a finger from across the room at children who haven't yet learned that no really means no, your crossness rubs them the wrong way. It makes them want to take a chance on disobeying. And it's no better if you grab them, hold them face-to-face, and give them a talking-to. You're not giving them a chance to give in gracefully. Their only choice is to surrender meekly or to defy you. Remember that your ultimate goal should be to allow your child to explore and to develop a healthy sense of independence in a safe environment without engaging in a battle of wills. Click here to join the discussion on Discipline
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