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| |    Tantrums In Toddlers by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Although many people think of tantrums as part of the "terrible twos," many children start having them between 10 and 24 months of age. They're developing a sense of their own desires and individuality. When they're thwarted, they know it and feel angry. Yet they don't usually attack the parent who has interfered with them. Perhaps the grown-up is too important and too big. When the feeling of fury boils up in them, they can't think of anything better to do than take it out on the floor and themselves. They flop down, yelling, and pound with their hands and feet and maybe their head. Avoiding tantrums A temper tantrum once in a while doesn't mean anything. A toddler is bound to be frustrated sometimes. A surprising number of tantrums are a result of fatigue or hunger, or of putting a child into a situation that exceeds his capabilities. (Most shopping mall tantrums fall into this category.) For this sort of tantrum, focus on the underlying problem, rather than whatever minor frustration set the tantrum off: "You're tired and hungry, aren't you? Let's get you home and fed and to bed, and you'll feel a lot better." Even frequent tantrums can be easy to fix. Ask yourself the following questions: • Does she have plenty of chance to play freely outdoors? • Are there things for her to push and pull and climb on there? • Indoors, has she enough toys and household objects to play with, and is the house childproofed? • Do you "set her up" by scheduling demanding activities (such as grocery shopping) at a time when she is likely to be hungry or tired? • When you see a storm brewing, do you meet it head-on, grimly, or do you distract her to something else? What to do when the storm breaks It isn't possible to dodge every tantrum. When the storm breaks, try to take it casually and help your child to get it over. You certainly don't want to give in and meekly let the child have her way. Otherwise, she'd be throwing tantrums all the time on purpose. Don't argue with her, because she's in no mood to see the error of her ways. Getting angry yourself only forces her to keep up her end of the row. Give her a graceful way out. One child cools off quickest if the parents fade away and go about their own business matter-of-factly, as if they can't be bothered. Another with more determination and pride sticks to her yelling and thrashing for an hour unless her parents make a friendly gesture. They might pop in with a suggestion of something fun to do, and a hug to show they want to make up, as soon as the worst of the storm has passed. It's embarrassing to have a child put on a tantrum on a busy sidewalk. Pick her up, with a grin if you can force it, and lug her off to a quiet spot where you can both cool off in private. Pay attention to your own feelings Tantrums in a toddler should be an annoyance, nothing more. You can't really control your child's emotions during a tantrum, but you should feel well in control of your own. You can't make your child stop, but you should feel confident that you can keep her safe during the tantrum, and carry on with life afterward. If you find that the tantrums leave you feeling angry, ashamed, worried, or shaken, or if you fear you might "lose it" and hurt your child, by all means talk with your child's doctor, or your own. Click here to join the discussion on Tantrums
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