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Temper Tantrums--How Common Are They?

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P.
What is a tantrum?
Other worrisome behaviors
How many tantrums is normal?

What is a tantrum?
Tantrums mean different things, depending on the child's age and the circumstances.

  • A 15-month infant who is hungry and tired "loses it" easily and howls inconsolably. You try to pick him up, and he arches his back and pushes your hand away. You put him down, and he grabs you leg to be picked up.

  • A 3 year old who cannot thread a shoelace explodes in frustration and throws the shoe.

  • A 5 year old asks, begs, demands, and finally lies on the supermarket floor screaming and kicking until her mother gives in and buys her a candy bar.

  • A ten year old who can't figure out his math homework curses and crumbles up the paper. His father, who can't figure out his word processor, curses and bangs on the desk.

What ties all of these together is the loss of self-control. Sometimes what brings it on is frustration at not being able to control things around oneself - like the shoelace that won't cooperate, or the uncooperative computer. Sometimes the tantrum is a blatant bid to control another person, to make mom hand over the candy bar, in the example above. So, in their essence, tantrums are all about control.

Other worrisome behaviors
Along with yelling, kicking and screaming, a child may bang his head, vomit, or hold his breath (sometimes to the point of passing out!). These behaviors are basically variations on tantrums, which usually can be handled in the same way as other tantrums. Another child may strike out against his parent, hitting, kicking, or pinching. These behaviors, directed against another person, are something different. It is unusual for a child to intentionally go about attacking his parent, and persist at it when told to stop. This behavior, then, should really be discussed with a child health professional.

How many tantrums is normal?
Many children as young as 9 to 12 months will have brief tantrums. By age 2, nearly every child (80 percent or more) has tantrums on occasion, and many normal children have them daily.

One study suggested that tantrums that occur more than three times a day or that last more than 15 minutes are more likely to be signs of a serious problem.

That means that a 3 year old who has five or six 10-minute tantrums in the course of a week is probably normal, all other things being equal.

By age 5 or 6, the number of children who have daily tantrums drops off to about 5 percent to 10 percent. Often (but not always), school-age children who have regular tantrums also have her behavioral or developmental problems; many of these children can benefit from working with a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. The first step in getting this help is to talk with your child's doctor, and arrange a full assessment.

Click here to join the discussion on Tantrums
 RELATED INFORMATION
*  Discipline Overview
*  Emotional Development: The Crucial First Years
*  Tantrums


Created May 15, 2000
Reviewed May 26, 2000
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