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Spoiling: After 6 Months

by Dr. Benjamin Spock
reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
You really can't spoil a newborn. In the first 6 months of life, infants experience hunger, coldness, and other physical discomforts as pressing needs.

Spoiling depends on the child having an idea about cause and effect: "If I cry and fuss, I can get what I want even if my mother doesn't want to give it to me." Young infants cannot begin to form these kind of ideas about cause and effect. They can, however, learn about basic trust or mistrust.

See: Can an Infant Be Spoiled?

You can be a little more suspicious by 6 months
By the time babies are 6 months old, colic and other causes of physical discomfort are behind them. Naturally, some of these babies who were held and walked a great deal during their colicky period have become accustomed to constant attention. They want their walking and their company to continue.

Let's take the example of a mother who can't stand to hear her baby fret, even for a minute, and who carries him most of the time he's awake. By the age of 6 months he cries immediately and holds out his arms to be picked up as soon as she puts him down. Housework has become impossible. She can't help resenting her enslavement, but she can't tolerate the indignant crying either.

This situation is different from that of a mother in our society, or in a simpler one, who willingly picks up her baby at the slightest whimper or carries him in a sling all day even if he doesn't fret. I suspect that the tense parent's original anxiety was communicated to the baby and made him uneasy, and certainly he feels her increasing resentment. This combination sets up a tug-of-war.
 RELATED INFORMATION
*  Discipline Overview
*  Spoiling


Adapted from Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care
Reviewed and revised June 26, 2000
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