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| |    Co-sleeping by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Whether children should sleep in a room by themselves or with another child is largely a practical matter. If it's possible, it's fine for children to have a room of their own, especially as they grow older, where they can keep their own possessions under control and have privacy when they want it. The main disadvantage of two young children in the same room is that they are apt to wake each other up at the wrong times. However, sharing a room also has its advantages. Siblings must then learn to negotiate for space and learn consideration by being quiet and letting the other one sleep, rather than engaging in long conversations into the night. Sharing a bedroom can foster a certain closeness between siblings, but it can also induce chronic battles over turf. The parents' bed Some small children go through a period of waking up frightened at night. They may repeatedly come into the parents' room, perhaps crying persistently, and the parents may take them into their bed with them so that they can all get some sleep. This seems like the most practical thing to do at the time, but it can turn out to be a mistake. Even if the child's anxiety lessens during the following weeks, he is apt to cling to the security of his parents' bed, and there is the devil to pay getting him out again. A good rule is to take him promptly and matter-of-factly back to his own bed. Of course, there are exceptions, such as illness or true fear, when it would seem cruel to cast the child out into his lonely room. But even then it is best to take him to his own room rather than give him confusing messages. But I would let the exceptions prove the rule and cheerfully bring them back to their own beds most of the time. Then comfort the child in his own room. Sit down beside his crib or bed in the dark and reassure him that you are there and that there is nothing to fear. Stay with him until he goes to sleep. You may have to do this for a few nights, if that's what he needs. Sometimes a parent will lie down on the bed with the child to comfort him. This can lead to other problems. The child is soothed for that night, but enjoys the special cuddle time so much that he easily comes to demand the same service every night. After a night or two, he also begins waking up when the parent gets up to leave the room. So it's best, in the long run, to sit in a comfortable chair next to the bed. Letting your child come into your bed for a cuddle in the morning is a different story. This is a fine way for parents and children to have a special warm and loving time together, so long as it doesn't make either parent uneasy. Another view of the family bed Up until the last 200 or 300 years, and still in most parts of the world today, it was normal for children to sleep with their parents and siblings. In many parts of the world, the practice of making young children sleep alone would be considered cruel punishment. There is some evidence that infants naturally prefer sleeping close to a warm, gently breathing person. Many parents are uncomfortable sleeping alongside a newborn for fear of rolling over in the night. The risk of this is really very low, unless the parent has been drinking alcohol or using drugs or medications that lower their level of consciousness. If not, most parents can (and do) sleep lightly enough to wake at the slightest peep from their newborns, so that the risk of "overlying" is extremely small. If you do decide to have your baby sleep with you, there are a couple of safety considerations: Be sure that your baby sleeps on her back and is not placed on a soft mattress or blankets that could be a suffocation risk. See: Preventing SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) The other consideration is when you'll want your baby out of your bed. It's easiest for babies to move to their own beds before the age of six to seven months. After that, they are more likely to be upset by the separation from their parents. Part of this question has to do with your need for privacy with your spouse or partner. Decisions about where your baby sleeps are definitely family decisions. Talk about:
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