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| |     Resistance to Going to Bed by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. This sleep problem develops insidiously. In many cases it grows out of colic or irritable crying. If a baby has been miserable with colic most evenings for her first two or three months, her parents may have found that she is more comfortable when they carry her around. This also makes the parents feel better. By the time she is three or four months old, it gradually dawns on the parents that she doesn't seem to be in so much pain or misery anymore--her cry is now angry and demanding. She wants her walking time because she's used to it and thinks she's entitled to it. She almost glares when her mother sits down for a well-needed rest, as if to say, "Woman, get going!" Nightly struggle--and tyranny A baby who becomes engaged in a nightly struggle to keep her parents walking has to really train herself to stay awake, and she succeeds step by step as the months go by--first staying awake until 9 PM, then to 10, 11, and even midnight. Her parents say her lids often close and her head droops while they're carrying her, but that as soon as they start to lay her down she wakes up with an indignant yell. Such a sleep problem is exhausting to both baby and parent. The baby is apt to become irritable in the daytime, too, and may eat less well. The parents can't help getting more and more irritated and resentful. A baby just shouldn't be able to put adults through a performance like this every night. The parents know it, but don't know what to do about it. Even the baby senses, I think, that she shouldn't be able to get away with such tyranny. A simple cure The habit is usually easy to break once the parents realize that it is as bad for the baby as it is for them. The cure is simple: Put the baby to bed at a reasonable hour, say good night affectionately but firmly, walk out of the room, and don't go back. Most babies who have developed this pattern will cry furiously for 20 or 30 minutes the first night, and then when nothing happens, they suddenly fall asleep! The second night the crying is apt to last only 10 minutes. The third night there usually isn't any at all. It's important not to tiptoe in to be sure the baby is safe or to reassure her that you are nearby. This only enrages her and keeps her crying much longer. Some parents find it very helpful to set a kitchen timer for 20 or 30 minutes, so they can look at the timer when they are convinced the baby has been crying for hours. Another strategy is to enjoy a slow cup of tea, or a really good book, to make the time pass more quickly. A learning process You can think of this process as solving a problem, or breaking a habit, or you can think of it as a learning process. Your baby needs to learn that she can settle herself down and make the transition into sleep without you cradling her. By four to six months of age, a baby who is otherwise healthy ought to be able to learn this skill. By putting her down to sleep before she is fully asleep, you are giving her a chance to take an important step toward self-control and independence. Most of the time, this learning process is easy. Once the parents decide it is time, it only takes three or four days. Sometimes, however, it's not so easy at all. More information: Talk about:
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