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| |    Helping Your Older Child Become Helpful by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. If you find that your older child is taking on a more helpful role, that is terrific. Research shows that this is one of the strongest predictors of a long-term positive relationship between your children. Becoming a 'little parent' One of the ways in which a young child tries to get over the pain of having a younger rival is to act as if he himself is no longer competing in the same league as the baby. Instead, he becomes a third parent. Of course, when he's feeling very angry with the baby, he may happily act the role of the disapproving parent. But when he's feeling more secure, he can be the kind of parent you are, one who teaches the baby how to do things, gives him toys, wants to assist in feeding and bathing and clothing him, comforts him when he's miserable, and protects him from dangers. Ask for help You can assist his role-playing by suggesting how he can help you at times, and by showing real appreciation for his efforts. Sometimes it's not even pretend help: Parents of twins, who are often desperate for assistance in caregiving, have told me they were amazed to find how much help they received from a child as young as three with tasks like fetching a bath towel, a diaper, or a bottle from the refrigerator. Doll play Playing with dolls may be a great solace to the older child, whether girl or boy, while the mother is caring for the baby. He wants to warm his doll's bottle just the way his mother does and have reasonable facsimiles of the clothing and equipment that his mother uses. But doll play shouldn't take the place of having the child help care for the real baby; it should only supplement it.
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