 | ||
|
| |    From Regression to Growing Up by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Becoming an older brother or sister pushes children to move forward developmentally like few other things do. The new older sibling often begins to manage dressing, washing, and feeding more independently. She may even begin to talk more clearly and to say more grown-up things. But at the same time that all of this progress is taking place, there is likely to be movement in the reverse direction. How can you understand, and respond appropriately, to these contradictory changes? Wanting to be a baby again A great majority of young children react to a baby's arrival by yearning to be a baby again, at least part of the time. This developmental regression is quite normal. They may, for example, lose ground in toilet training and begin to wet or soil themselves. They may lapse into baby talk and act helpless about doing things for themselves. I think parents are wise to humor the craving to be a baby at those moments when it is very strong. They can even good-naturedly carry the child up to his room and undress him, as a friendly game. Then he can see that he is not being denied these experiences, which he imagines are delightful but which may prove disappointing. The drive to continue to grow and develop usually soon overtakes the desire to regress, as long as the temporary regressions are handled sympathetically and good-naturedly. For your part, you can help by not paying so much attention to these episodes of regression and by appealing, most of the time, to the side of him that wants to grow up. You can remind him of how big, strong, smart, or skillful he is, how much more he is able to do than the baby. I don't mean that you should be constantly giving him overenthusiastic sales pitches, but that you should remember to hand him a sincere compliment whenever it is appropriate. And I'd avoid pushing him too hard to be a grown-up. After all, if you are constantly calling all the things that the child temporarily yearns to do "babyish" and all the things that he's temporarily reluctant to do "grown up," he can only conclude that he wants to be a baby for sure. Avoid direct comparisons You'll notice that I'm not suggesting direct comparisons that imply that the parents definitely prefer the older child to the baby. To feel that he is favored may gratify a child temporarily, but in the long run he will feel insecure with parents who are partial because he feels that they might change their preference. The parents should, of course, let their love for the baby be evident. I'm only emphasizing the importance of giving the older child chances to feel proud of his maturity and to remember that there are lots of disadvantages to being a baby. Holding the baby A small child almost always wants to hold the baby, and parents are apt to hesitate for fear he may drop her. But if the child sits on the floor (on a carpet or blanket) or in a large stuffed chair or in the middle of a bed, there's little risk, even if the baby is dropped.
| |  | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| About Us |
Contact Us |
Our Partners Privacy Policy | Ethics | Advertising Policy | Terms of Service © Copyright 2004 The Dr. Spock Company. All Rights Reserved. THIS SITE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. The information drSpock.com
provides is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for
professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your health care
professional if you have a specific health concern. Mention or advertisement
of any product, service, or brand does not constitute endorsement, guarantee,
or recommendation by The Dr. Spock Company. Please read our full
Terms of Service. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
