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| |    Preparing Your Firstborn for the New Baby by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. It is good for a child to know ahead of time that he is going to have a baby brother or sister, so he can get used to the idea gradually. Of course, you have to gear your explanations to your child's developmental level. (Under about a year and a half, he is probably too young really to understand what you're talking about.) And no amount of explanation can really prepare him for the feeling of having a real live, demanding baby in the house. Your job is just to begin the dialogue about having a new brother or sister, where the baby will sleep, and what the sibling's role will be in his care, and to provide constant reassurance that you love him as much as ever. Don't overdo your enthusiasm or expect him to be enthusiastic about the baby. Limit changes or make them well before The arrival of the baby should change an older child's life as little as possible, especially if he has been the only child up to that time. Emphasize the concrete things that will stay the same: You'll still have your same favorite toys; we'll still go to the same park to play; we'll still have our special treats, we'll still have our special time together. It is better to make all possible changes several months ahead of time. If the older child isn't yet weaned, it will be easier for him if you do it now and not when he is feeling displaced by the new baby. If his room is to be given over to the baby, move him to his new room several months ahead, so that he feels that he is graduating because he is a big boy, not because the baby is pushing him out of his own place. The same applies to advancing to a big bed. If your older child is to go to preschool, he should start a couple of months before the baby arrives. Nothing sets a child's mind against preschool so much as the feeling that he is being banished to it by an interloper. But if he is already well established in preschool, he has a social life outside the home, which will tend to lessen his feelings of rivalry at home. During labor and delivery Some parents hope to decrease sibling rivalry by including the young child in the delivery itself. In most cases this is not a good idea. The strong emotions, pain, and bleeding that go with every delivery can be disturbing to a young child, who has no way to really understand what is going on. Also, the parents' attention will be focused appropriately on the progress of labor, so that they can't (and shouldn't have to) deal with the concerns of their older child at the moment. Finally, there is a small chance that even a very routine labor and delivery can turn, suddenly, into a medical emergency. That is frightening for all involved, but would be overwhelming for a young child. After the delivery When the baby is cleaned up and everyone is nice and calm, the sibling should be shown the child. He should be encouraged to touch the baby, talk to her, and help out in some simple task, like going to get a diaper and bringing it over. He should get the feeling that he is an integral part of this family unit and that his presence is welcomed. He should visit as much as he wants, but not be forced to if he doesn't.
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