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| |    The Challenge of Raising Nonviolent Children by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Look no further than today's headlines: the rate of violence by teens has risen sharply, even as the overall prevalence of violent acts by adults in the United States has declined. This state of affairs has changed the way we view youths. Whereas we used to think of children as in need of adult protection, now we often think that adults need protection from youths. Many teens are already labeled "predators" and regarded as beyond redemption. The age at which a teen can be prosecuted as an adult has been lowered in many states. And the United States appears to have the highest rate of teenage violence in the world. Our society seems somehow to promote violence and aggression in at least some youths. Causes: violence begets violence While the problem of violence is most marked in teens, the root causes reach back in many cases into early childhood. So, this topic is for parents of children of all ages. I think it's too easy to blame all these woes on media violence or an overpermissive society, although these don't help. The roots of teen violence can often be traced to certain components of early upbringing combined with a peer group that encourages susceptible youths to commit violent acts. What are the backgrounds of teens who tend to become violent? First, they are often themselves the victims of or witnesses to parental violence. Early on, such experiences are very traumatic to the child, who may cry and express fear and anxiety. Such a child learns to be ever vigilant, constantly on guard, waiting for the next trauma. With time, however, these stressful emotions undergo a change. They are simply too intense to bear. The child slowly becomes numb to the trauma and then becomes an aggressor himself. Aggressiveness is an understandable defense against overwhelmingly painful emotions. Some children begin to identify with the perpetrator of the trauma, who is, after all, the powerful one--often a parent or an older child. And it seems morally permissible to imitate the parent. Paradoxically, violent individuals almost always think of themselves as victims--victims of the government, of other bullies, of prejudice--and believe that their violent acts are therefore totally justified. In this way, the intergenerational cycle of violence is perpetuated. There are other precursors to becoming a violent teen. These include being raised in a cold and loveless way and being punished excessively, often physically. Children with low self-esteem are more likely to become violent, especially in combination with some other risk factors. Impulsive, hotheaded children are more likely to use violence when frustrated or angry. So, for whatever reason, children who later become violent learn to see the world as a cold and hostile place. They develop a habit of thought that always attributes hostile intentions to others. Their view seems to be "The world is out to get me." The aggressive child sees the world as an unsafe place in which there are only victims and victimizers, so he (unconsciously) chooses the latter and becomes a bully. This power and the delight he takes in hurting others, in combination with his already numbed emotions, can make for a lethal mixture. Violent children tend to have little empathy; that is, they don't even recognize (much less feel) the suffering of others. They also come to believe that overpowering another person is a mark of strength and worth, that violence is a legitimate way to resolve conflict. And the brutalization of other children may be their only source of self-esteem, the only confirmation of their human worth. Guns, and more guns All of these early developments conspire to promote violent behavior as the child gets older, but of course the story does not end there. Add to the proclivity for aggression one final ingredient: the availability of firearms. A violent youth even without a weapon is a threat to do bodily harm. A violent youth with a handgun is capable of murder. Perhaps more than any other factor, the rise in teen deaths due to violence can be attributed to the easy availability of handguns and other firearms.
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