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| |    Quality Time by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. From a practical point of view, quality time implies interactions that are close, nurturing, and lovingly responsive. Quality time can occur during driving time, mealtimes--any and all routine times together. Trips to the supermarket or department store can always be enhanced with time for talking and listening and teaching. So quality time does not imply doing anything out of the ordinary. It is the accumulated day-to-day interactions, not dramatic trips to the circus, that have the most profound effect on the child's development. The exact number of hours of companionship is less important than the quality or spirit of the time spent together, and this is what's behind the expression "quality time." Children value time spent with their parents Some parents misinterpret the phrase to mean that it really doesn't matter how much time they spend with their children, as long as the time they do spend is jam-packed with "quality." But quantity of time is also important time spent together in unexciting tasks with mundane interactions. Children need to simply be around their parents, watching them in action, learning from their day-to-day example, and knowing they are an important part of their lives. The trick is to find the right balance: to spend as much time as possible with your children, but not at the expense of fulfilling some of your own personal needs. Making the time you spend together special I like the concept of "special time" as a way to make sure there is at least some quality time every day. Special time is a brief period--5 to 15 minutes is usually sufficient--that you set aside every day to spend with each child individually. What's "special" about special time is not what you actually do with your child. You can do a puzzle, take a trip to the store, or just talk together. What's special is that it is your personal, exclusive time together, when your child gets your undivided attention. Special time shouldn't be taken away as a punishment. It's earned simply by virtue of being your child and being loved. It acknowledges the specialness of that child to you, even if you can't always spend time together in the daily hustle and bustle. Work and family time It will be a great day when fathers and mothers consider the care of their children as important to them as their jobs and careers, and are able to balance all career decisions with careful consideration of their effect on family life. You know, I've talked to a lot of parents. As their children became adults and moved out of the home, not one mother or father has ever said to me that they regretted spending too much time with their families. But I can't tell you how many have regretted that they didn't carve out more time to spend with their families when they had the chance. Resisting the temptation to spoil Working parents may find that because they are starved for their child's company, and perhaps because they feel guilty about seeing her so little, they are inclined to shower her with presents and treats, bow to all her wishes regardless of their own, and generally let her get away with murder. When a child finds that her parents are appeasers, it doesn't satisfy her--it's apt to make her greedy. Above all else, what is most important is to remember that the exact number of hours of companionship is less important than the spirit of the time spent together.
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