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| |    Questions about Homosexuality by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. In our society, between 5 and 10 percent of adult men and women are gay or lesbian. Experts have had difficulty calculating exact percentages because there is still considerable stigma attached to being gay. Although gays and lesbians are now more visible in our popular culture--in films, magazines, and television--and public figures like musicians, fashion designers, athletes, and even politicians are increasingly willing to declare that they are gay or lesbian, many people still have an unreasonable fear of homosexuality. This fear is called homophobia. In its most common form, it is the fear heterosexuals have that they could be gay, and the view that gays and lesbians are abnormal. These fears may lead to treating homosexuals as scapegoats, saying they brought the AIDS plague on themselves, or that parents should avoid allowing their children close contact with gay and lesbian adults. In its most violent form, homophobia leads to hate crimes (gay bashing) and to laws that limit the freedoms of gays and lesbians. Some parents think that if their children have contact with gay or lesbian adults, that they may "become gay." But there is absolutely no evidence the sexual orientation of either gay or heterosexual children can be changed or influenced through example. Mental health professionals, scientists, and other experts are actively debating whether people are born predisposed to a heterosexual or homosexual orientation, or whether it is psychological and emotional experiences that make the determination. But experts agree that a person's basic or primary sexual orientation is set by the very earliest years of development. Whatever lifestyles a child is exposed to or protected from will have no bearing on his or her primary adult sexual orientation. What to tell your child If your child asks about gays and lesbians, or if you're talking generally to a child of age six or older about sex, I think you can explain quite simply that some men and women fall in love with and live with people of the same sex. If you are matter-of-fact in the way you talk about this topic, your child will learn that it is something that can be talked about. If you appear upset, or refuse to talk about it, your child will learn that homosexuality is mysterious, shameful, scary, or dangerous. You will be giving the topic an awful lot of power. Such power itself can be attractive to children (which is why, for example, all children experiment with profanity). Whatever your beliefs about homosexuality itself, you probably agree that it is better if it does not take on such great power.
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