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| |    Fears Around Age Two: Separation, Bed Wetting by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Many normal children develop a fear of being separated from parents beginning around the age of a year. This expresses, I suspect, their new recognition of how much their sense of security depends on being near the parent. This is probably the same instinct that makes the young of other species, such as sheep and goats, follow close after their mothers and bleat when separated. It's natural that lambs and kids feel this anxiety from birth, because they can walk right away. But human babies acquire the anxiety at about the age of a year when they finally learn to walk, so that if they wander away, they'll soon feel the urge to get back. The effect of separations Here's what happens occasionally when a sensitive, dependent child of two years, particularly an only child, is separated abruptly from the parent who has spent the most time with him. Perhaps it is the mother and she has to go out of town unexpectedly for a couple of weeks. Or she decides that she has to go to work and arranges for a stranger to come in and take care of the child during the day. Usually the child makes no fuss while the mother is away, but when she returns, he hangs on to her like Velcro and refuses to let the other person come near. He becomes panicky whenever he thinks his mother may be leaving again. If the separation comes about because the child is hospitalized and the parent cannot stay, the effects are often magnified: The child may become clingy and stay that way for several weeks. The effects of long hospitalizations can be even more severe. (See: Separation Anxiety.) Bedtimes are worst Separation anxiety is worst at bedtime. The terrified child fights against being put to bed. If his mother tears herself away, he may cry in fear for hours. If she sits by his crib, he lies down only as long as she sits still. Her slightest move toward the door brings him instantly to his feet. (See: Fears at Bedtime.) Fear of wetting the bed In some of these cases, there is also worry about urinating. The child keeps saying "wee wee"--or whatever word he uses. His mother takes him to the bathroom, he does a few drops, and then cries "wee wee" again just as soon as he is back in bed. You might say that he just uses this as an excuse to keep her there. This is true, but there is more to it. Children like this one are really worried that they might wet the bed. They sometimes wake every two hours during the night thinking about it. This is the age when the parents are apt to be showing disapproval when there is an accident. Maybe the child figures that if he wets, his parents won't love him so much and will therefore be more likely to go away. If so, he has two reasons to fear going to sleep. If your child is worried about wetting, keep reassuring him that it doesn't matter if he does wee wee in bed--that you'll love him just the same. (See: The Basics of Bed-wetting.)
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