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| |    Emotional Development: The Crucial First Years by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Warmth and approval from one or a few consistent caregivers are the essential ingredients of trust--the basis for healthy emotional development. It's in the first two to three years of life that children's personalities are being most actively molded--by the attitudes of the parents or of the others who provide most of their care. In earlier times, the babies who lived in understaffed orphanages, or who spent their days lying neglected in their cribs in day nurseries, used to wither in body, in intellect, and in emotions, never fully to recover. Whereas a baby who's cared for mainly by loving, enthusiastic parents, perhaps with the help of others, surges ahead. Some of the things parents give their children: • their visible love • their pride and joy in her tiny accomplishments • thoughtful playthings • answers to her questions • a willingness to let her play freely as long as she does no damage • They read to her and show her pictures. These are the attitudes and activities that foster emotional depth and keen intelligence. (See: Playing With Your Infant) Optimists vs. pessimists Whether children will grow up to be lifelong optimists or pessimists, whether warmly loving or cool, whether trustful or suspicious, will depend to a considerable extent on the attitudes of the individuals who have taken responsibility for a major portion of their care in their first two years. Therefore, the personalities of parents and caregivers are of great importance. Children know that they are inexperienced and dependent. They count on their parents for leadership, love, and security. They are always watching their parents, instinctively, and patterning themselves after them. This is how they get their own personalities, their strength of character, their assurance, their ability to cope. They are learning, in childhood, how to be adult citizens, workers, spouses, and parents by identifying with their parents. Where self-assurance comes from Parents (or caregivers) express love in countless ways: a fond facial expression, spontaneous demonstrations of physical affection, pleasure in their children's accomplishments, comforting them when they are hurt or frightened, controlling them to keep them safe and to help them become responsible people, giving them high ideals. It's the parents' love that creates an answering love in children. It's from this lovingness toward parents that children go on to form all their positive relations in life--with friends, teachers, spouses, offspring, neighbors, and fellow workers. Children gain trust in themselves from being respected--as human beings--by their parents (or caregivers). This self-assurance helps them to be comfortable with themselves and with all kinds of people for the rest of their lives. Respect from parents is what teaches children to give respect to their parents in turn.
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