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| |    Firm but Friendly Discipline by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. A child needs to feel that her mother and father, however agreeable, have their own rights. They know how to be firm and won't let her be unreasonable or rude. She likes them better that way. Their firmness trains her from the beginning to get along reasonably with other people. Spoiled children are not happy creatures even in their own homes. And when they get out into the world, whether it's at age two or four or six, they are in for a rude shock. They find that nobody is willing to kowtow to them. They learn, in fact, that everybody dislikes them for their selfishness. Either they must go through life being unpopular, or they must learn the hard way how to be agreeable. (See: Spoiling: Why We Do It.) Conscientious parents often let a child take advantage of them for a while--until their patience is exhausted--and then turn on the child crossly. But neither of these stages is really necessary. If parents have a healthy self-respect, they can stand up for themselves while they are still feeling friendly. For instance, if your daughter insists that you continue to play a game after you are exhausted, don't be afraid to say cheerfully but definitely, "I'm all tired out. I'm going to read a book now, and you can read your book, too." Or maybe she is being very balky about getting out of the wagon of another child who has to take it home now. Try to interest her in something else, but don't feel that you must go on being sweetly reasonable forever. Lift her out of the wagon even if she yells for a minute. Click here to join the discussion on Discipline
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