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| |    Discipline Overview by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. When most people use the word "discipline," what they really mean is "punishment." While punishment is a part of discipline (hopefully a small part), it is by no means the whole story. Discipline comes from the word "disciple." It really means "to teach." That is the true goal of discipline: to teach children the rules of behavior, as well as what society and other people expect of their behavior, so that they grow up to be socially productive and personally fulfilled individuals. Achieving that delicate balance is the art of disciplining children. Important to preserve sense of self-worth Of course, you could create a harsh system of rewards and punishments so that, like good little robots, your children would behave perfectly most of the time. But what would be the effect on the child's spirit, on his sense of self-worth, on his personal happiness, or on his feelings toward others? On the other hand, you can imagine a child whose every whim is slavishly indulged and whose every action, good or bad, is lavishly praised. Such a child might have a certain measure of happiness, but most people wouldn't want to get within 10 feet of him. Your delicate task is to teach your child the how and the why of acceptable behavior, but never at the expense of his sense of self-worth and optimism. Strict or casual discipline? This looms as a big question for many new parents, although most find their own balance in a little while. For a few parents it remains a worrisome question, no matter how much experience they've had. Another word used for casual discipline is "permissiveness," but I hesitate to use it because it means different things to different people. To some it implies merely an easygoing, casual style of management. But to others it means foolishly overindulging a child--letting him do or have anything he wants--and this is apt to produce an obnoxious, spoiled, rude child. I don't believe that strictness or casualness is the real issue. Good-hearted parents who aren't afraid to be firm when it is necessary can get good results with either moderate strictness or moderate casualness. On the other hand, a strictness that comes from harsh feelings or an excessive permissiveness that is timid or vacillating can lead to poor results. The real issue is what spirit the parent puts into managing the child and what attitude is instilled in the child as a result. Click here to join the discussion on Discipline
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