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| |    A Parent's Reaction to Colic by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. After the first two weeks, if your baby is colicky or irritable, she may be soothed when you first pick her up. But after a few minutes she's apt to be screaming harder than ever. She thrashes with her arms and kicks with her legs. She not only refuses to be comforted, she acts as if she were angry at you for trying. These reactions are painful for you. You feel sorry for her, at least in the beginning. Then you feel increasingly inadequate, because you're not able to do anything to relieve her. As the minutes go by and she acts angrier and angrier, you feel that she is spurning you as a parent and you can't help feeling mad at her underneath. But getting angry at a tiny baby makes you ashamed of yourself, and you try hard to suppress the feeling. This makes you more tense than ever. The first thing to do, of course, is to make sure that there is no medical problem. A visit to your baby's doctor should reassure you of this. The diagnosis is likely to be "colic." If it is, the most important thing is for you to learn about colic. Facts about colic:
• It doesn't seem to do the babies any permanent harm. (It seems to occur most often in babies who are developing and growing well.) • It will probably be gone by the time the baby is three or four months old, if not before, leaving the child none the worse for wear. There are various things you can try to help the situation. First, you have to come to terms with your own feelings about the situation. All parents feel anxious, upset, fearful, and incompetent if they can't calm their infant. Most feel guilty, especially if it is their first baby, as if the baby cries because they are doing something wrong. And most parents also get angry at the baby. This is quite normal. There is no doubt that this squalling creature is turning your life upside down. It's natural to feel some resentment and anger, even if you know that it's not really your baby's fault, and that she's not crying on purpose, and that she's not really mad at you. Some parents then feel guilty about their angry feelings, as if somehow they are even worse parents because they have these negative feelings. In summary The first step in dealing with a colicky infant is to come to terms with your feelings about it. You will still experience all the same feelings, but at least you will have some awareness that you are feeling them, and you'll know that all parents go through the same thing. If these negative feelings only intensify, talk to your doctor or nurse practitioner.
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