| |  
Helping Children Cope with the New Insecurity
by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
These are difficult times to be a parent, and you may have a number of questions racing through your mind. How much does the recent national security alert affect my children? How can I help them cope with a world that suddenly seems full of danger? One mother recently told me how she had stocked up on plastic sheets, chemical-protection suits, and bottled water. The gas masks were on order. Other parents wonder whether the best way to cope with the new threats is simply to not talk about them at all.
The current crisis is unique, in some ways. But, unfortunately, we have lots of experience helping young children cope with danger, trauma, and disaster. Even though the threats change, the main principles of reassurance stay relatively constant from situation to situation:
- Look for signs of fear. With a young child, look for changes in behavior, such as refusing to go to sleep or acting more upset when apart from you, or an increase in "naughty" behavior. Pay attention to themes in your child's play that echo the current crisis, such as dolls that all die from "gas" or pictures filled with death and explosions. (A good way to understand children's art is simply to show a curious interest and ask, "What's your picture about?")
- Listen first, explain second. A common mistake is to jump in with reassurance before really understanding what the child is worried about. The current bioterrorism threat offers lots of opportunities for children to be confused. Do "dirty bombs" make you dirty? Is that bad? If terrorists spread diseases, what about that runny nose that started yesterday? Start by getting a better picture of the situation from your child's point of view. Ask questions like, "What do you worry a terrorist might do?" or "What do you think might happen after that?"
- Be aware of the television. September 11 taught us that children can be traumatized by watching televised images. Repeated stern-faced warnings from officials might have a similar, if less dramatic, effect hammering home the message that we are not safe. Remember that TV can be overpowering and pay attention to what your children watch and to what you watch when they are within earshot. Be aware that many video games are full of explosions and other violent acts that can fill a child's imagination with images of war and destruction.
- Let your child know you'll be together. If there's one thing that almost all children fear, it is being separated from their parents. They can't always put this fear into words, but they are very relieved when reassured that they will not have to face the world alone. A young child may need to hear "I'm always going to be your mommy" many, many times.
- Take reasonable precautions. It's hard to know, of course, what's "reasonable" under uncertain circumstances, but major lifestyle changes that don't offer any real increase in safety probably aren't. Children get a sense of security from predictable daily routines, such as the before bed ritual of always brushing teeth, reading stories, giving kisses, and then turning the lights out. Try to keep your family's comforting routines going strong.
- Tell the truth. A child old enough to ask "what if?" is not going to be reassured by the blanket statement that "Everything is going to be alright." Instead, you can truthfully explain that there are many powerful adults--the president, the mayor, and you, the parent--who are working to make sure that everyone stays safe.
- Remember, young children take their cues from their parents. If you feel extremely anxious about the terrorist threat, your young child will probably be fearful, too. Pay attention to your own emotional responses and get support for yourself if you're feeling more afraid than you think you should. Support could come from a spouse or good friend, a spiritual leader, or a mental health professional. Telling your child all about your fears and concerns isn't the best way, however. Adult-sized worries are best left for adults to handle.
The world is changing extremely rapidly, with all sorts of potential threats--from the job market to the stock market to the ever-shifting pattern of international crises. Amazingly, most children and families manage to handle all of this, keeping up their day to day lives. So, if it feels to you that the threats and uncertainties are becoming psychologically overwhelming, it would make sense to seek out the help of a trusted counselor or other professional. Children should not have to live in fear.
Talk About:
|
Created February 16, 2003
Reviewed September 18, 2004
| |
| | 
|
