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| |    Birth Order: The Basics by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Do you believe that firstborns generally are more responsible, smarter, and make better leaders? Are last-born children destined to be "babies," even when they're grown up? And what about those long-suffering middle children? Birth order has fascinated people since the days of Cain and Abel. Modern experts and pundits have linked birth order to personality, intelligence, and career choice, not to mention sexual orientation and even cancer risk. Does knowing whether a person is first, last, middle, or "only" really tell you much? And if birth order is so important, what are the implications for parents? A profound impact on personality If you think about it, there is no way that birth order could not influence a child's developing personality. Where he stands in the family plays a large role in determining the relationships between a child and his parents and--perhaps even more important--between a child and his siblings. Later on in life, those family relationships set the pattern for the way that person will respond to friends, teachers, colleagues, and competitors-not to mention his own spouse and children. Just look at your own situation, and you'll probably agree that your relationships with your siblings (or your lack of siblings, if you were an only child) had a powerful influence on who you are now. Different strokes Sibling relationships help explain why children in one family tend to be so different from one another. Siblings differ from each other in terms of their personalities, talents, and even troubles almost as much as do children who aren't related at all. Some of these differences can be chalked up to temperament and genetics, but, to a large extent, the differences arise because children who grow up under the same roof actually experience very different families. Take, for example, a family with three children. The oldest, a boy, experiences a family with a younger brother and sister. The second child has an older brother and a baby sister. And the third child has two big brothers to deal with. For each child, where he stands in the family's hierarchy influences what he needs to do to win parental attention and approval, and what the other family members' expectations of him are. Children in families tend to take on recognizable roles. The oldest is often the leader and a "good citizen," responsible and responsive to the parents' expectations. Oldest children are typically well organized, precise, and prone to perfectionism. Youngest children tend to take on the "baby" role: easygoing and spontaneous, used to being noticed and fussed over, charming and manipulative. Middle children have less of a clear-cut role in the family; instead, they often make a place for themselves outside the family, creating a network of close friends, venturing away from the family physically, and breaking the mold intellectually as well. "Only" children often have characteristics both of first children (capable, perfectionistic) and of youngest children (attention-seeking, self-centered.) Not the only factor "Wait a minute!" you say, "This is way oversimplified! There are plenty of people who don't fit this picture at all." And of course, you're right; birth order is only one factor determining personality and outlook. Also important are the spacing between children, their sexes, their temperaments and the temperaments of the parents, the parents' birth order and personalities, and a whole host of other influences. Family dynamics mold many firstborns into high-achieving conformists, but others may become angry rebels, particularly if their parents set such high expectations that they feel they can never hope to measure up. Later-born children often take on aspects of the firstborn if the actual firstborn abdicates his leadership role-if he has a serious disability or chronic illness, for example--or if there is a long gap (five years or more) between their older siblings and themselves. Finally, the dynamics in step, blended, single, and divorced families add a whole other layer of complexity. Because of these reasons, personality development can't be distilled into a simple cookbook formula with birth order as the sole ingredient. But thinking about birth order can give you insight into how the forces within families shape children and the adults they grow up to become. It also may help you understand yourself as a parent and perhaps to avoid some of the pitfalls that can trap even the best-intentioned of parents as they deal with their assorted brood. Check out our articles on firstborns, middle children, last-borns, and only children for more insights, as well as the lighter side of the birth-order issue. More information: Talk about:
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